Phoenix's Eye: The Filler Episodes
by Fenghuang0296
Summary: A series of drabbles and shorts canon to my Phoenix's Eye universe. Take a closer look at the everyday shenanigans that goes on behind the scenes at Phoenix's Eye. Don't read if you aren't familiar with Phoenix's Eye: The Guild Next Door
1. The Dragon, The Witch and The Wardrobe

Chapter F-1: The Dragon, The Wizard and the Wardrobe

 **Set: Shortly after Grace moves in with Pierce**

"What's that?" Grace blinked, watching as Pierce tried to hoist a large, wooden wardrobe through the window and into their apartment. Slimy black tentacles outside the window revealed that Inky was helping him from outside.

"It's a wardrobe," Pierce replied, setting it down on the floor, before producing his flute and calling Inky back.

"But you have a wardrobe," Grace pointed out, gesturing to the black wooden construction in the corner of Pierce'e bedroom.

"I know. This one's for you," the Tamer explained. "I'm getting a bit sick of you leaving your clothes everywhere," he pointed out, before trying to drag the wardrobe into the sitting room, which Grace had co-opted as a pseudo-bedroom.

"Isn't it a bit big?" Grace pointed out. "It looks expensive, too,"

"You'd think so, but nope," Pierce shrugged. "I got it at a sale of the belongings of this guy who disappeared, just eight thousand jewels," Finally, he set it in a corner, and pressed it flush with the wall. "There. Now, I want you to _use_ this," he told his adoptive sibling in his best 'parenting voice'.

"Okay," Grace nodded.

And she did. She immediately gathered and hung her coats and skirts up inside it, even the dirty ones.

"No, Grace. You need to wash clothes after you've used them a few times, or if they get dirty," Pierce explained.

"Oh, okay," Grace nodded, taking the dirty ones back down. The floor rippled, and she dropped them into a hole in reality, swished then around a bit, before pulling them back up. They were now dripping wet, but not much cleaner.

"What did you just do?" Pierce raised an eyebrow.

"I put them in the canal. Water makes things clean, right?" Grace asked.

"Close. Water plus soap," the blond chuckled.

~P's E~

The cupboard saw plenty of use; as a Dragon Slayer, Grace went through a lot of clothes, especially once she started training with Natsu as well as Gajeel.

Eventually the day came when, after getting her dress badly singed during a training session, she completely ran out of things to wear. Pierce was out, and Grace didn't want to go out shopping by herself, so she resorted to frantically digging around in the back of her wardrobe.

"Come on, there's gotta be something here," she muttered, tossing out ruined shirt after ruined knickers. At one point her short arms couldn't reach the back of the pile, so Grace resorted to climbing into the wardrobe to get at them.

"Aww, please? Gimme _something_ ," she begged as she dug through the pile, pulling destroyed clothing out like ribbons from a magician's hat, and expecting at any moment to reach the end of the wardrobe. But she didn't, indeed, the interior of the article of furniture seemed to extend far beyond what it could reasonably have.

"What is going on here?" Grace asked, reaching above her, and standing up when she couldn't feel the roof above her. The shadows inside the wardrobe seemed to stretch, fade and warp around her. She walked onwards, looking around as a source of light appeared in the distance.

It wasn't long before the realised that the grey stuff around her was actually rock, and as soon as Grace came to this realisation, she emerged from what seemed to be the mouth of a cave as snow crunched underfoot. Looking around, she seemed to be on top of a mountain; snow covered the rocky surfaces, as the side of the mountain continued upwards until it reached a peak a ways above her to her right, and dropping away into an equally sheer gulf beneath her; one so deep that clouds beneath blocked her from seeing the ground below.

And, at the other end of the snowy plateau, was a large, dome-shaped building with a telescope protruding from the roof. "Is that an observatory?" Grace wondered, and her socks left imprints in the snow as she advanced on it.

Soon, she was standing at a door that seemed to be made of lapis lazuli, and looking up at it. Grace shivered in the col, hoping fervently that it was warmer inside, and knocked.

As soon as her fist left the door's surface, it swung open, seemingly of its own volition, revealing a dark room inside. Grace stepped in, glad to be out of the cold, and looked around.

The room was gloomy, poorly lit, and had three doors other than the one she came in from, all made of the same substance. There were no other furnishings. "Hello?" she called, looking around.

There was a rustling from behind the door to her left, and it suddenly swung open, as a hunchbacked creature emerged, with spiky, raven-coloured hair, ragged clothing and deformed teeth. Compared to an average person, he would be short, but Grace was young and petite and more-or-less matched his height.

"Oooooooh!" he gasped, a drawn-out, high-pitched noise. "And who might you be?"

"I'm Grace. Who are you and why are you in my wardrobe?"

"Your wardrobe?" the man asked, tilting his head inquisitively.

"Yeah. My brother bought it for me, and I want to know why there's a mountain inside it,"

"Ooh, no no no. The mountain isn't inside the wardrobe. The wardrobe takes you to the mountain," he 'explained'.

"Oh, so it's Spatial magic?" Grace realised. Now that she thought about it, there had been a familiar tingle as she crawled through the wardrobe. But she jumped through rifts in reality so frequently, she'd become highly desensitised to the sensations attributed to it.

"Ooh, yes. Very good, little girl. You know, I think the master would be very interested to meet a clever little girl like you,"

"Master?" the Dragon Slayer raised her eyebrows. She only knew one master . . . Feng Chronia, Guild Master of Phoenix's Eye. Her guild. And she was really nice. So surely this master would be nice too? "Sure. What's she like?"

The hunchback paused. "My master is male, and he's very kind. He loves to have little girls like you," he reassured her, before adding, under his breath s that Grace couldn't hear, "Dissected,"

However, what he didn't realise was that Grace was a Dragon Slayer. And Dragon Slayers had much more acute senses than other humans.

"Dis-sec-ted," Grace sounded out the word, before giving the minion her most pleading gaze, oblivious to the deer-in-headlights look he suddenly sported. "What does that mean?" the greenette asked.

"Uh . . to have some delicious biscuits," he hastily fibbed.

"Ooh, yummy!" she grinned in response.

So she followed the strange man through one of the doors, down a corridor and up a flight of stairs, and eventually came to another door. Before entering, the strange man called, "Master! There's a little girl here to see you!"

"What?" a new voice shouted back. "What are you talking about, Crumb? We're on top of a mountain! Why would there be a little girl here?"

"She said she came through your wardrobe, sir!" Crumb, as the minion was apparently named, explained.

"Oh. Bring her in, then," The door was swung open, and the hunchback led Grace inside.

They emerged into a single, massive, domed room, dominated by what seemed to be a gigantic telescope no doubt linked to the massive les she had seen from outside, and unfurnished and undecorated otherwise, with plain grey walls and yellow floor. At the base of the telescope, surrounded by dozens, if not hundreds, of papers strewn about the floor, was an elderly-looking man with pale skin and white robes covering his body. Sharp, orange eyebrows drew todether under a mane of matching hair, and with harsh, angular features he glared at Grace. "So, someone stole my wardrobe?"

Grace may not have known what a 'dissection' was, but she definitely knew what a 'stole' was. "Hey! Pierce didn't steal anything! He bought that wardrobe at a yard sale!"

"Yard sale?" the man parroted with a frown. "Oh. Oh dear me, Crumb. We might have to conquer a new residence again,"

"Uh . ." Grace didn't really understand what that meant.

"So, this Pierce? Is he your big brother?" the man asked.

"Um, I guess so," the Dragon Slayer nodded.

"Good. Is he good at fighting?" he continued his questions.

"Yes! He's a really strong guild wizard in Phoenix's Eye! And I am too!" she promptly beamed, pulling up her yellow/grey dress to show the guild mark on her thigh.

The man seemed concerned by this turn of events. "A guild wizard? Oh dear, oh dearie me," he gulped. "I'm sorry, dearie, but this puts me in a little spot of bother,"

"Uh, why? We're good guys. We aren't dark wizards or anything," Grace pointed out.

"Yes, I know. That's rather the problem, as, you see, I _am_ a dark wizard. And I can't have some snoopy little guilder messing things up in here, not when I'm finally almost ready to activate my atmospheric ioniser, cunningly disguised as a telescope as it is, and turn sunlight into a distant memory for all of Fiore!" the man, whose name Grace still didn't know, cackled. "So you see, I'm afraid I'll have to kill you. And anyone else who comes snooping around. I hope there's no hard feelings," Suddenly Crumb clutched at her arms and pressed them behind her back, before stepping on her foot in an attempt to restrain her.

Grace blinked. This was an unexpected twist. "Hey, wait," she blinked, thinking through what she had jet been told and coming to a horrifying conclusion. "Does this mean you're not going to give me biscuits?"

The dark wizard blinked. "Pardon?"

"Ah, master Gerald, sir? I may have told her that dissecting her meant you'd eat delicious biscuits with her," Crumb explained.

"Oh. Well, no, you foolish girl. There will be no biscuits! Indeed, once my atmospheric ioniser turns the skies black, there will never be another biscuit again! Muhuwahaha!" Gerald cackled.

Grace blinked. She blinked again. Did . . he just say . . . there would be no more biscuits?

"You see, one of the key ingredients in your precious biscuits is wheat! And without sunlight, wheat will be unable to grow! But this won't matter to you, because very soon, you'll be dead! Muhuwa _ha_!" Gerald laughed maniacally.

And then a blast of grey Reality magic threw him against the opposite wall, shredding the papers around him and blasting the eyepiece of his telescope apart.

Using her enhanced, draconian strength, Grace pulled herself free of Crumb and, spinning on her heel, declared, "Reality Dragon's Spiral Slash!" The resulting attack threw Crumb back into the stairwell, knocking him out cold.

Gerald tried to recover, but Grace, already blurring forwards, shouted, "FOR BISCUITS!" A second Reality Dragon's Roar smashed Gerald straight through the wall, sending him flying out onto the mountain.

She looked at the massive telescope. Gerald had said something about his atlas thermos iron thingy being disguised as a telescope . . maybe it was that telescope, maybe it was a different telescope. The only thing she could do was destroy all the telescopes she could find. "Reality Dragon's Roar!" she declared once more, hitting the broadside of the machine with a blast of spatial magic that ripped it into pieces sending debris smashing onto the floor. With that done, she leapt into a bend in reality that instantaneously brought her to the hole he had just blasted in the observatory.

Grace realised a little too late that that side of the observatory was the one that looked down the side of the mountain, and that Gerald was most likely out of her reach. He'd probably escape by the time she got to the bottom of the mountain. "Aww. I could have gotten a reward. Maybe," she sighed, before giving the subject a little thought. There was really only one thing to do now.

~P's E~

"Grace!" Pierce shouted, dropping his groceries and rushing across the living room to the pile of firewood that had once been a wardrobe. "What happened?" he demanded, looking visibly upset at the young Dragon Slayer, who paled under his glare.

"There was a mountain in the wardrobe, and a giant telescope, and an evil man who wanted to make there no more biscuits, and I had to destroy it for biscuits everywhere!" Grace protested.

The Tamer blinked, confusion replacing his anger. "What?"

"I went into the wardrobe, and there was a mountain with lots of snow, and an observatory with a man who wanted to use his evil telescope to get rid of the sun and destroy biscuits!" his adoptive sister repeated.

Pierce's shoulders sagged. "Grace. Have you been reading _Narnia_?"

A/N

 **A/N**

 **Unlike Grace, I** ** _have_** **been reading** ** _Narnia_** **, and it served as the inspiration for this.**

 **But enough about wardrobes. This is The Guild Next Door: Filler Episodes! Because the main TGND story is so jam-packed with the major story arcs, yet canon Fairy Tail has a bunch of filler episodes that are, mostly, only tangentially related to the main plot. So I decided the smart thing to do would be to create a second story to put any drabbles, one- or two-shots, alternative endings to situations, anything that's part of the TGND universe but can't fit into the main story. I hope you all enjoy it! Peace!The Dragon, The Wi**


	2. Interviews With the Heroes

Chapter F-2: Interviews With The Heroes

It was four days after the Oracion Och incident, and Pierce, Tyria, Boomer, Grace, Sarph and Artorias had been gathered again.

But not because there was another crisis with potentially devastating fallout that needed to be averted, oh no. Today, they were on call because a self-declared roving reporter from Sorcerer Weekly had shown up to interview them about their role in defeating the Oracion Och. And this filler chapter is the work of Penny Prince, jotting down all the juicy details for a feature-length article that would have prize of place in this week's edition of Sorcerer Weekly, straight from the Phoenixes' beaks.

"So tell me," Penny, a petite woman with a golden blonde ponytail, half-moon purple glasses that matched her purple undershirt and stockings, which went under a bright red cardigan and skirt, with ruby slippers, clung to her notebook and pen as she sat at a cafe table. "You are Pierce Blastreyne, the renowned Beast Tamer wizard who, according to my sources, single-handedly defeated Cobra of the Oracion Seis," she smiled at the other occupant of the cafe table she had invited the Phoenixes to for interviews.

"No, I am not," Artorias frowned, before gesturing at the other table, where his guildmates were waiting. "I am Artorias, the Blood Wizard? The most powerful male wizard in the Phoenix's Eye guild? Who is a little insulted that you could mistake me for anyone else?"

"You aren't?" Penny blinked, having stopped listening after the first four words, before looking back at the other table. "Then can the real Pierce get over here? I need to interview the team leader first!"

Soon, Pierce and Artorias had switched seats, and 'the real Pierce' reclined in his chair. "So, what do you want to know?"

"What's it like being a master of one of the most uncommon kinds of magic in Fiore?" Penny pressed.

Pierce blinked, but acquiesced. "Well, I wouldn't say Beast Tamer magic is uncommon. Sure, you don't see many people using it, but it's hardly as rare as most kinds of Lost Magic. You wanna talk about rare magic, talk to Grace. Her magic is completely unique in the entire world,"

"I see," Penny nodded. "What's it like, being the leader of your group? Does the pressure ever get to you?"

"Pressure? No, not really," Pierce looked back at his friends (minus Hare), and shrugged at the reporter. "I just have to remember that they're all capable wizards in their own right, and I know I can always trust them to do the right thing. Even if I wasn't here to lead the team, I think they'd do fine without me,"

"It's good to hear that you have so much faith in your guildmates," Penny grinned. "Last question; my sources tell me that you all but single-handedly defeated Cobra of the Oracion Och and captured his pet snake. What do you have to say about that?"

"Well, saying that I did everything is really not the truth at all. Natsu Dragneel was there, and he helped out a lot. And it wouldn't be fair to give me all the credit when my beasts did most of the work," Pierce replied. "All I really did was play my flute and punch Cobra in the face a couple of times,"

"I see. So you're all about the teamwork, huh?" the reporter mused, writing some more notes. "I think we're done here!"

Before long, Tyria had taken Pierce's place on the chair. "So, Tyria Zechtian. What's it like, being a foreigner in a country with a vastly different culture to your home?" Penny immediately asked the Electrian, who shrugged in response. "I guess, it's not as different as you might think. Faces and places change, but the people inside, they stay the same. My friends in Fiore will never replace the friends I made in Electria, but I don't think any less of them for it,"

"It's good to hear that you're settling in well," the Sorcerer Weekly girl smiled. "Now, my sources also tell me that you tag teamed with Lucy Heartfilia of the Fairy Tail guild to take down Mylene Farrow. What was that like for you? Because everyone knows that Phoenix's Eye and Fairy Tail mix like fire and ice,"

"I think you're reading too much into it," Tyria provided. "We Phoenixes have a _friendly_ ," she stressed the word, "rivalry with the Fairies. Unless we're competing over something, we generally get along pretty well. I consider Lucy a good friend,"

"Really? Well, I'm sure the readers would love to hear about _that_ ," Penny sounded disappointed at the lack of juicy, incriminating gossip, "but we only have so much space on a page. Last question; is that shade of blue natural?"

Tyria blinked. "You mean my hair?" she wondered, suddenly feeling self-conscious and checking to make sure no strands were out of place in her electric blue ponytail. "Yeah, that's its natural colour,"

"Really? Because I've never seen such a vibrant shade of blue be natural before. I suppose it must be an Electrian thing," Penny mused, making a few more notes, which prominently featured a disappointed red caption; ' **Tyria is boring** '. "Can we get Boomer over here, please?"

"So, what do you want to know?" Boomer smiled casually at Penny, whose eyes lit up in excitement. "Boomer! I'm so thrilled to finally meet you!"

"Uh . . thanks?" the Sound wizard shrugged, and Penny nodded furiously, a faint blush creeping onto her face. "So, you are the owner of the Sonic Boom, one of the fastest weapons of mass destruction in Fiore. How does it feel?"

"Uh . . I wouldn't call it a weapon of mass destruction," Boomer awkwardly corrected her. "I just . . needed to be both strong and fast, I guess. And the Sonic Boom was the best I could come up with,"

"So ingenuitive," Penny briefly swooned, before reasserting herself. "What do you have to say in response to critics who claim that using a vehicle in ground combat is a violation of the Mecha legislation of anime combat conventions as stated in the Super Sentai amendment?"

Boomer blinked. "The combat conventions have legislation?" he frowned, raising a confused eyebrow. "I thought they were just unspoken guidelines,"

"Exactly, it doesn't matter what they say one bit!" Penny 'agreed', ignoring Boomer's confusion as to her assertion. "My sources tell me that you were primarily responsible for defeating Racer during the battles against the Och, and you did it with the Sonic Boom, too! So stuffs to those critics!" she chuckled.

"Well, Gray and Lyon helped," Boomer pointed out, but Penny snorted. "Pish posh. You dealt him an OHKO, you were the MVP. But speaking of them, what _do_ you think of the Fairies and Lamias?"

"The Lamias have no taste in automobiles," the Sound wizard huffed, recalling the way that Lyon and Sherry had badmouthed the Sonic Boom. "Too true," Penny agreed, inwardly shrieking with glee. Gossip and Boomer? Gossip _from_ Boomer? Was this a dream?

"And I like Gray, don't get me wrong, but his stripping habit is just disturbing," Boomer shook his head. "He needs therapy or something,"

"Too true," the reporter repeated herself unintentionally, scribbling down every word. "So, the, uh, the audience! Yes, the audience, is just dying to know; do you have any romantic interests?" Penny questioned. "The sexual tension between Pierce and Tyria is thick enough to cut, and the audience would love to know if there might be another relationship in the works!"

"No, not really. I've never really met a girl that I fancied," Boomer shrugged, then noticed the way that the reporter's omnipresent smile had just turned gleeful. "Is something wrong?"

"Oh, not in the slightest," Penny reassured him. "As much as I wish this could last forever, I do need to move on to the next interview. Could you bring Sarph over, please?"

As Boomer returned to the table, Sarph winked. "Looks like you got a fish on the line,"

"What?" the Sound wizard questioned.

"She's obviously into you," the knight nodded as he stood and Boomer took his seat.

"What? No way. As if a girl that cute would ever notice me," he shook his head.

Sarph sat down with Penny, who had taken a moment to collect herself, and immediately resumed the interview. "So, Sarph. Does it ever bother you that Artorias, a boy who is a bit over half your age, is so much more powerful than you?"

The warrior blinked, casting a thoughtful glance in Artorias' direction, who suddenly looked very interested. "Honestly? It does, a little. But I know that Artorias has earned his strength, and he deserves to have it. I'm not going to begrudge him it over a petty thing like that,"

"That's good to hear," Again, Penny was a little disappointed about the lack of juicy gossip, but brushed it off. "Now, people have noticed that, no matter the weather, conditions, or amount of use it is put through, your Spell-Shattering Sigil Solamion never scratches, dulls, or loses one iota of its splendour! How is this possible?"

The other five Phoenixes all blanched simultaneously. "Did she just -?" Pierce blinked, and Boomer nodded. "She did," he confirmed.

"What?" Tyria asked, looking between them, but before the two could respond, Sarph launched into a monologue. "Well, the basic principles of polish involve the use of a particular detergent to remove dust and grime that adheres to a surface, however that is a temporary solution at best, as there is a practically infinite amount of dust to coalesce on my equipment in my line of work. Therefore I have developed a variant of . . ." Penny blinked, realising that Sarph had no intention of stopping any time soon, and cast a questioning glance at the other Phoenixes.

"Does this happen . . ?" Tyria trailed off, and Pierce nodded. "Every time someone asks him how he takes care of his sword,"

Fifteen minutes later, Sarph finally slowed down enough for Penny to interrupt. "Ahem! Thanks for all that, but I think that I now have more than enough information to answer any questions the readers could possibly have about proper sword care," she interrupted.

Sarph sighed. "Well, I was really only just beginning to get into the interesting parts, but if you think that's enough, so be it," he acquiesced.

"Good. Finally, what's your secret? How are you such a tough wizard?" Penny asked.

"Planning and preparation. If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail," Sarph quoted.

"Excellent. That's all we have time for today, so how about next I talk to Grace Hystia?" Penny suggested. It was only a couple of minutes before Grace had joined her at the table, contentedly munching on a large chocolate chip cookie.

"So, Grace. Rumour has it that you're secretly the powerhouse behind Team Pierce," Penny questioned.

"Uh, I wouldn't call myself a powerhouse," Grace shrugged.

"But you can't deny that there's a lot of power at your fingertips," Penny pressed. "Witnesses say that the amount of strength you have at your disposal far exceeds what anyone your age should be able to muster. Why exactly is that?"

"I, uh, don't know. There's a bunch of holes in my memory . . I don't really remember anything from before I joined the guild," Grace shrugged helplessly. "Sorry,"

"Really?" Penny's disappointment was palpable. "So you don't even know where your Dragon Slayer magic comes from?"

"Not really. For all I know I really was raised by a dragon, and I just don't remember," the greenette responded. "But I do know that, whatever happened to me, Brain of the Oracion Och was at least partly responsible,"

Pierce and Sarph exchanged a guilty glance.

"I see. Speaking of Brain, my sources tell me that you were the one to defeat him, using a Dragon Slayer's Secret Art technique, no less,"

"These mysterious 'sources' again," Sarph mused thoughtfully.

"That's true. It felt pretty good, I can tell you that," Grace grinned. "I heard about Secret Arts from Natsu, but I didn't think I'd be able to use any for ages,"

"I suppose it's just a testament to the sheer power you have at your disposal, then," Penny pointed out, and Grace nodded, accepting this. "Yeah. I guess I am pretty strong. Doesn't mean I know why, though," she shrugged again.

"I suppose that's fair. So, what are your aspirations? When people talk about you, they almost always end up reflecting on the fact that, with power like yours, you could probably do basically anything you want. I've even heard some people saying that they expect you to make the title of Wizard Saint within twenty years,"

Grace looked a little overwhelmed at this. "Wizard Saint? I dunno about that . ." she trailed off. "I don't really want to be anything special. I guess you could say I'm happy just the way I am," she explained.

"Seriously?" Penny looked somewhat constipated at this. God! Why were these people so . . so _boring?_ "But, your powers -"

"Can we stop talking about my powers?!" Grace suddenly snapped. "Everyone else, you just asked about them, but with me, all you care about is my magic!" she burst out, looking upset. "Don't you or your readers care about _me?_ "

"No, they don't," the reporter flatly shot her down. "Now, -"

But no, Grace wasn't having it. She had vanished into a fold in reality, looking distressed, and Pierce looked furious with Penny. "As soon as I find her, we are talking about this," he growled, standing up and dashing off.

"Sheesh, touchy much?" the reporter rolled her eyes. "Artorias?" she looked at the Blood wizard, but the boy shook his head. "No. I know exactly where any conversation with you will lead, and I will answer no questions about my actions during the fight,"

"Ugh, fine!" Penny rolled her eyes. "Maybe I just won't humiliate _anyone_ with my article, huh?"

"That would be nice, yes," Tyria nodded as she led the rest of the Phoenixes to depart.

"Where exactly do you get your information?" Sarph asked, and the Sorcerer Weekly employee tapped her nose with a smile. "A reporter never reveals her sources. But let's just say I have a knack for _reading between the lines_ ,"

Sarph took this as him being blown off and left, and Penny frowned. "All of you except Boomer are boring," she huffed, before blinking. "Hey, wait, there's still one more person who I need to ask a question!"

~P's E~

"So, Hare Kransux, right?" the blonde asked the raven-haired Speed wizard.

"Yes, that's me," Hare confirmed.

"How do you feel about the fact that it's been a whole nine chapters since you were relevant in the story, or two point two five months in real-world time?" Penny immediately challenged. "Does it make you feel upset? Lonely? Unimportant?"

Hare blinked, confused. ". . . What?"

A/N

 **A/N**

 **If anyone's wondering, Tyria's hair is a few shades brighter than Jellal's, and more vibrant than sky blue. Since there's never been a canon character with that exact hair colour, I retroactively consider it to be a rare colouration. (Yeah . . there's a reason I usually call it 'electric blue' and leave it at that.)**

 **And it amuses me to think that Penny has a degree of capability to break the fourth wall. XD Make of that what you will; but she will appear again, you can count on that. ^^ Peace!**


	3. Therapy Sessions: Boomer

Chapter F-3: Therapy Sessions: Boomer

Boomer sulked as he waited in the therapist's reception room. He did not need therapy. Honestly. Maybe six years ago, when he was still fresh and raw from having his home wiped out by a demon he'd accidentally released, but now, after he'd gotten rid of the demon in question and his brother, now they call him in for therapy?

And worse, he wasn't allowed to play any music while he waited. Apparently it was 'not conducive to the relaxing environment' or something. But honestly. Asking Boomer not to play music was like asking a fish not to swim, or a bird not to fly, or Hare not to scare the crap out of people. It just wasn't right.

"Emanuel Arestrad?" the receptionist called. Boomer irritably didn't respond. "Emanuel Arestrad?" she tried again.

"That's not my name," Boomer huffed.

The unfortunate woman sighed and checked her paperwork again. "Emanuel 'Boomer' Arestrad?"

"Thank you," Boomer nodded, shouldering his boombox and walking towards the door leading into the therapist's office. He shouldered his way inside, immediately spotting a comfortable-looking armchair and sitting down.

"Ah, hello Emanuel," the therapist, an aged man with spectacles, nodded. Boomer just glared at him. "That isn't my name,"

"Oh? Ah, yes, I see. You often use the handle 'Boomer' in a professional capacity, yes?" the therapist commented. "You shouldn't feel the need to hide behind a false persona in the company of people who exist independent of your job such as myself," he told the Sound wizard, a touch patronisingly.

"False persona?" Boomer parroted, now more confused than angry. "What are you talking about?"

"I am aware that you went through immense childhood trauma, as the only survivor of the Ghoulia massacre at a young age. According to my notes, you spent a year in an orphanage, before running away to join the Phoenix's Eye wizarding guild?" the man asked for confirmation, and Boomer slowly nodded. "Yeah . ."

"And is it not the case that you started referring to yourself as 'Boomer' at around the same time as you joined your guild?" the therapist queried, and Boomer nodded, reluctantly admitting it.

"Is it not possible that 'Boomer' is a shell you built around yourself in order to safeguard your true emotions from the prying eyes of those around you?" the man questioned.

The black-haired boy blinked. He'd never thought of it that way before, but now that he mentioned it . . "You might have a point. And maybe it did start that way. But over time, I've gotten used to thinking of myself as 'Boomer', and by this stage I identify more with the moniker than I ever did with my given name," he suggested thoughtfully.

The therapist scribbled some notes down. "I see. Very interesting," he nodded. "But now, let us get out the crux of the matter. The reason that you are here,"

Boomer sighed, mentally preparing himself to dodge every question about Regykraeon as best he could. He could hardly let it get out that he was the one who'd released The Fallen Star in the first place - that would be grounds for his arrest.

"That is to say, the obvious displays of road rage that you have exhibited since you obtained your new vehicle,"

Boomer was stunned. "What?"

"I believe that you call it the 'Sonic Boom', yes?" The man shook his head and clucked like an angry hen. "Naming inanimate objects, a clear sign of unhealthy levels of attachment to an object," he mused, taking more notes.

"What road rage?" Boomer was genuinely confused at this point, and a little irritated with the aspersions the therapist was casting on his attitude towards his vehicle.

"Witnesses have described you as driving your vehicle with absolute disdain for the laws surrounding the use of magicmobiles while in a fight. For example, there are eyewitness reports that you drove off the side of a mountain. Twice," the therapist dryly pointed out.

"B-but I was trying to escape from a rampaging demon at the time!" Boomer protested.

"Both times?"

"Yes. Both times I drove off the mountain, I was trying to escape a rampaging demon," Boomer confirmed.

"The _same_ rampaging demon?" the bespectacled man raised an eyebrow, and the driver shook his head. "No. Different rampaging demons,"

"And what have you to say about the numerous counts of aggressive music playing at dangerous volumes in public?" the therapist asked.

Boomer blinked. "I'm a sound wizard. Music is how I fight,"

"Maybe so, but your particular tastes in music are causing noise pollution, especially when amplified through the numerous speakers present on your vehicle. However, this is easily rectified," the therapist rattled off. "You simply need to change your playlists to something a little more soothing," With that, he produced a gramophone from beneath his desk and, setting it down in front of him, turned it on. Calm, soothing music, of the type that might be played in the background of a date (and not even the kind of date his friends went on, with inevitable fights and explosions, but the kind with boring people making small talk in a restaurant) echoed through the room. "So, what do you think?"

Boomer blinked, standing up and resting a hand on his boombox, surreptitiously adjusting a few settings. "You want me to fight with music like that?"

"Well, yes. It's still sound. What's the difference?" the therapist questioned in a reasonable tone of voice. At least, Boomer was sure it seemed reasonable to him. But the man evidently had no concept of the mechanics behind Sound Magic . . and therefore he didn't feel at all bad about what he was about to do.

"The difference?" Boomer questioned with a slightly crazed smile. "The difference, is pizazz!" he declared, leaping onto the desk, slamming his boombox down on top of the gramophone and smashing it into pieces, before hitting play. Immediately, rock music started to echo throughout the entire building and surrounding neighbourhood. Boomer grinned. This was _real_ music.

But the therapist disagreed. He screamed, though he might as well have remained silent for all he could be heard, struggled out of his chair and away from his desk in a desperate effort to get away from the source of the music, thoughtlessly rushing away and escaping his own office via the nearest exit - the window.

Boomer raised his eyebrows in surprise, looking through the window at the therapist, who had landed in the garden outside, about a floor down, and decided this was the time to turn the music off.

~P's E~

"He jumped out of the window?" Pierce blinked in surprise.

"Yup," Boomer nodded.

"I really hope Master won't mind that," Tyria commented.

"Eh, she usually doesn't," Pierce shrugged.

"Usually?" Tyria blinked.

"Well, yeah," Pierce confirmed, and Boomer weighed in. "Frankly, she probably would, except that Fairy Tail makes a point of inducing as many therapists to jump out of windows as possible, so I guess she feels that we have to keep up," he shrugged.

Tyria had no words to describe the absurdity of that logic.

A/N

 **A/N**

 **Inspired by Ricardian-Scholar Clark-Weasley's Therapy Sessions series, which is part of his Tales of Fairies short story collection. Find the first one here;**

 **s/10264509/312/Tales-of-Fairies**

 **Full props, man! Peace!**


	4. Unobliteratable

Chapter F-4: Unobliteratable

Zeref was having a quiet day.

He was currently lying on his back in a forest in southeast Fiore, watching the clouds through the trees. They were nice clouds. There was one that looked like an arrow. And that one was shaped like a chicken wing. Mmm . . . he missed chicken wings.

And there was a darker cloud that wafted across the sky at a different speed and direction to the others. It looked quite out of place . . . oh. It was smoke.

It seemed to be coming from a little ways to the south, just outside the forest. Perhaps he should investigate. Then again, he was currently very comfortable. After a moment's consideration, he shrugged and decided that it wasn't worth the bother. Knowing his luck, it would probably be Fairy Tail. And they could handle themselves. Probably.

There was a soft impact on his chest, and Zeref looked up in surprise to see that an acorn had fallen out of a tree and hit him. Huh. He shrugged, scooped the nut up and slipped it into his pocket. That might be useful later.

And then there was suddenly an angry squirrel on his face.

Zeref shrieked in shock and sat up straight, before clawing at his face to pull the irritating rodent off of him. It let go and partly fell, partly was thrown to the ground, before growling at him - and sinking its claws into his leg.

The Black Mage scrambled to his feet and shook his leg, trying to dislodge the persistent squirrel from his trousers, before finally batting it away with a hand. It landed and recovered again, still shrieking with fury.

A thunderous expression crossed Zeref's face. "Just leave me alone!" he commanded, and suddenly a plume of black smoke shot out of him in all directions. The grass underfoot withered and died, the acorn in his pocket disintegrated into dust, trees around him shrivelled and shed their leaves, and the poor squirrel never had a chance.

When the smoke cleared, Zeref realised what he had done. "No . . not again . . I'm sorry," he moped, collapsing to his knees.

A few minutes passed, and a sudden noise stirred the black wizard. "Uh, are you alright?" an unfamiliar voice asked.

Zeref stood and turned on his heel, to see a young woman with seaweed-green hair and a golden pen tucked behind her ear, ocean-blue eyes and wearing a pink blouse, with brown shoes and matching fingerless gloves. A faint purple-blue light seemed to play across her eyes for a second, but Zeref dismissed it as a trick of the light. "No! Stay back! I don't want to hurt you!" he shouted, backing away. This girl was within range . . if it happened again, she would . . no!

"You mean with that black mist thing? I was just destroying some bandits' hideout when I sensed something weird. I came and saw what happened . . yowza," the girl admitted, but stepped forwards regardless. "That's the Contradictory Curse, right?"

"Yes. And if you know what it does, then you'll know that you have to stay away from me!" Zeref declared, continuing to back away, but the girl chuckled. "Actually, that's not quite true. See, my name's Ariel. Ariel Nagato. And I can't be killed,"

The ageless boy stopped dead. "You . . what?"

"Yeah. But that's a pretty big secret, so don't tell anyone," Ariel winked. "Though I have to admit, I wouldn't even tell _you_ if I didn't already know how isolated you are, and that you therefore aren't likely to have anyone to tell in the first place. _Zeref_ ,"

"You know who I am?" Zeref blinked, frowning. Who exactly was this girl?

"Of course," Ariel smiled, but paused. "I really shouldn't be doing this . . my superiors will probably get mad at me when they find out,"

"Oh . . well, I don't want you to get in trouble on my account," Zeref shook his head.

"Oh, it's not a problem," Ariel shrugged, her smile reasserting herself. "I mean, they sent me to join _Phoenix's Eye_. Breaking the rules is practically in the guild manifest, so they really shouldn't be surprised that it rubs off on me," she casually admitted, taking a seat on a nearby rock.

"Alright," Zeref nodded, sitting down. "Phoenix's Eye. Is that your guild?"

"Yeah," Ariel nodded. "We're the craziest gang of psychos in Fiore," she grinned.

"I can see that," the Black Mage accepted.

There was a brief lull in the conversation. "So, what's it like ruling an empire?" Ariel questioned.

"Not as much fun as it might sound like," Zeref coolly informed her. "Though that could be just me," he acquiesced.

"No, I think that's a universal sentiment. You should meet Cardinal. I'm sure he could relate," Ariel chuckled.

The cursed boy paused. That name sounded vaguely familiar . . . but he'd heard so many names so many times in his four hundred-odd years of living, he just couldn't place it. "Who?"

Ariel paused, and blushed. "Oh - heh, whoops. I wasn't supposed to say that . . could you do me a favour and forget you heard that, please?"

"Alright," Zeref conceded with a shrug.

"How's Irene?" the witch asked, changing the subject.

"You know Irene?" the dark wizard blinked in surprise.

"Only by reputation," she shrugged. "But I know you and her are close,"

"Fair enough," he accepted. "She's fine. Still in Alvarez, of course," Zeref blinked as the implications of what she had just said sunk in. "Wait - no! I'm not attracted to her or anything!" he protested.

"Don't worry, everyone knows you have the hots for Mavis Vermillion," Ariel nodded, taking no notice of the blush creeping across his face. "Take care of her, all the same. She'll be important,"

"I will, ah, take your word for it," Zeref nodded, frowning, and drew breath to ask a question - but then he felt it. The tugging in his gut, the tingling in his magic circuits, that warned him it was about to come. He gritted his teeth, trying to hold the death magic in. "You have to move, now," he hissed at Ariel, who looked at him curiously. "Oh - is the Curse about to come?"

"Move! I can't hold it in!" Zeref snapped, puffs of dark smoke emerging from his nostrils.

Ariel hummed thoughtfully. "No, I don't think I will. I want to see this,"

Zeref spluttered - and then it happened. A massive rush of dark magic billowed out with incredible speed, swarming in all directions. Ariel was engulfed in seconds.

The dark wizard sighed, watching the spot in the fog where the witch had vanished. It was a shame. He'd liked her. Though he had warned her . .

"Oh," he heard her voice, and blinked. She should be dead.

As the fog dispersed, he saw her. Still seated, letting the death magic play through her fingers like nothing had happened. Seeming none the worse for wear whatsoever.

Zeref blinked in amazement. "Who exactly are you?" he questioned, frowning.

Ariel looked up, eyeing him as though she had briefly forgotten he was there, and shot him a cheerful smile. "I told you. I'm Ariel Nagato," And with that, she raised a fountain pen, and tapped it against nothing, almost as though she were putting a full stop at the end of a sentence.

And then something changed about the world. Zeref felt a strange, indescribable sensation, and . . suddenly it was the night, and the strange girl was gone.

He started standing up and looking around in confusion. "What - what was that?" the cursed wizard questioned.

~P's E~

Some time later, the boy was poring over an extremely old book, leafing through the pages until he found what he was searching for. "Cardinal," he murmured, finding the passage.

". . . Cardinal, a mysterious being, perhaps a god, who has never been encountered by a reliable source. However, several figures of historical importance have reported encounters with strange people who, on occasion, make reference to Cardinal as though they were a hierarchical superior in some manner of organisation. There are several theories as to the nature of this situation, but the most prevalent is that Cardinal is some kind of reclusive god, and that these people are his worshippers, or perhaps his angels, sent by him to carry out some mysterious task."

Zeref blinked. How . . interesting.

A/N

 **A/N**

 **Whoooooo. Spooky.**

 **Also, there might be a prize for anyone who can figure out what the title refers to.**

 **Peace!**


	5. Artorias' New Book

Chapter F-5: Artorias' New Book

"Hey, Artorias," Pierce had spotted the Blood Wizard lying in a couch on the S-Class floor of the Phoenix's Eye guild hall and decided to drop in to check on him.

"Pierce," Artorias nodded, briefly glancing up from his book to look at the Tamer.

"Good book?" the blond asked, sitting next to him, and he nodded. "Indeed it is," the S-Class nodded. "It's all about a ragtag group of heroes who are part of an organisation that solves people's problems for money,"

"Like a guild?" the boy asked, settling in next to him.

"No. Not at all like a guild," Artorias shook his head.

Grace settled in next to him. "It sure sounds like a guild," she pointed out.

"It isn't," the Blood Wizard shook his head.

"Who's the main character?" Pierce asked.

"There isn't a single protagonist, instead it focuses around a core group of six," Artorias narrated. "First, there's Pen. He's an exorcist who befriends and fights alongside various kinds of spirits and ghosts,"

"Uh-huh,"

"There's also Riaz, a technokinetic from the faraway land of Wakanda. She has a major crush on Pen, but he's totally clueless, even though he likes her too," the boy continued.

"Cool," Grace nodded.

A few towns over, Tyria, who was in the middle of a job, suddenly sneezed.

"And there's also Blaster, who was Pen's partner for a while until the team was formed. He's got no powers but he's a really good aim with laser pistols," he added.

In his shack, where he was tuning up the Sonic Boom, Boomer sneezed.

"Then there's Serge, a grizzled veteran with a gung-ho attitude, and a penchant for knives. He likes to fly these artificial metal bird things called 'planes'," Artorias added.

"Is something wrong?" Sarah asked Sarph, who was suddenly choking on his beer. He gulped, patting his chest, and swallowed. "It's fine. I just suddenly had to sneeze while I was drinking,"

Artorias continued, unbothered. "And the last main character is Ella, a powerful psychic who the team rescued from an inhumane experimental facility, but has trouble controlling her powers,"

Grace sniffed, inhaling, and Pierce spotted the telltale signs that she was about to let loose a blast of unintentional Dragon Slayer magic, frantically lunging forwards and pinching her nose. She relaxed, swallowing the sneeze.

"There's also regular appearances from Princess Usagi, who does her best to stay away from the team but regularly gets roped in to their misadventures," Artorias added, tapping the book with a grin tugging at his lips.

Over at the bar, Totomaru suddenly sneezed, and Hare was immediately there with a tissue.

"Not to mention Sannah, the mission controller," Artorias finished. As he did, Sarah herself, who had been tending to Sarph and Totomaru, stifled a cough. "I think there might be a flu going around," the bartender remarked.

"Well, that's cool," Pierce nodded.

"Yes. It's a very compelling read," Artorias nodded, lifting the novel again and returning to his immersion in the text.

~P's E~

"Come on, everyone!" Pen shouted, brandishing his staff menacingly. "We can't allow the sinister plot of Master Infinity to go through!"

"Whatever you say!" Riaz declared, beaming at the exorcist.

"I'm a little pinned down!" Blaster reminded him from where he was crouched behind a crate, exchanging fire with his titular pistols against one of their adversaries.

"Will you losers just shut up and rescue me already?" Princess Usagi demanded from within the cage that Master Infinity was holding her in.

"Hate to interrupt, but she has a point. Clock's ticking," Sannah reminded the team over the radio, referring to the timer that had been set, counting down until Master Infinity's space bridge to another dimension opened.

"On it!" Ella nodded, screwing her eyes shut and focusing. Suddenly, the entire building began to shake, tremors and cracks running through it as powerful psychic energy wracked the building.

A massive split ripped the roof open, sending chunks of stone and concrete falling out of the ceiling and crashing around the team. "Everyone, look out!" Pen shouted.

"Take cover!" Serge's voice came over the radio, and there was a thunderous crash as the back wall burst open, admitting the polished grey nosecome of a plane that shredded its way into the building, sending further vibrations through the already-damaged foundations.

It only took Riaz a second to reach out and feel what was about to happen. "Everyone! The building's about to -

~P's E~

Artorias blinked as a flying piña colada knocked the book out of his hands. He frowned, looking up at the brawl that was going on in the bar behind him. "Do you mind?" he frowned at the brawlers.

There were two things that were very unfortunate about this situation. The first was that one of the brawlers was a red-clad wizard with a white fohawk. The second was that they took no notice of Artorias.

A stray shot of fire flew out of the brawl, courtesy of Totomaru, and hit his book. Within seconds, only cinders remained.

Artorias blinked.

He clenched his teeth.

Whirling on his feet, his blood boiling, he growled, "ENOUGH!"

And a tsunami of blood put an immediate end to the fight, throwing brawlers, furniture and unfortunate bystanders everywhere.

There was a moment of silence.

And then Wesley, deciding that this act meant Artorias wanted to join the brawl, threw a purple sphere of Ball Magic into Artorias' face.

Things only went downhill from there.

A/N

 **A/N**

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 **:p**


	6. Therapy Sessions: Grace

Chapter F-6: Therapy Sessions: Grace

The therapist looked up from his notes to see a blond boy with straight hair seated on his couch. "You're not Grace Hystia," he observed.

"No," Pierce Blastreyne shook his head. "If you think I'm letting my little sister have her fragile psyche deconstructed by some armchair shrink, you can forget it," he growled.

The therapist sighed. "Therapy is a time-honoured practice to treat issues with a person's mental health and allow them to live life without trauma hanging over them. It allows a person to come to terms with the nature of their life, including the parts of it that they aren't comfortable with, in a safe environment where -"

Pierce scoffed, interrupting him. "Safe? Have you met Grace? She's the Reality Dragon Slayer, the unique practitioner of a magic ranked in the Magic Council's system as SS-plus, the highest rank there _is_. And she _doesn't_ have total control over her powers. Especially when things like her past experiences are brought up," he explained.

"Perhaps so, but I don't see how that's relevant?" the therapist questioned.

"Is that so?" Pierce, starting to lose his temper, sneered. "I suppose you have no idea whatsoever how someone who's foolish enough to go poking and prodding at Grace's open wounds might hurt her. And how, if hurt, she might lash out at the source of her pain and _remove the problem_ , as it were?"

The therapist balked. "Are you attempting to insinuate that she might be a threat to my person? But, it's standard procedure for me to be provided with a measure of security when the Council mandates that I conduct sessions with dangerous patients,"

Pierce exhaled, a snort of humourless amusement. "Please. The 'security measure' that could keep you safe if Grace decided she wanted to kill you hasn't been _invented_ yet,"

The therapist quailed. "B-be that as it may, this mandate does state that I have to conduct a session with her," he stated, tapping a piece of paper on his desk.

"Alright," Pierce sighed, standing up and making for the door. "But tread carefully around my sister," he commanded, before leaving.

A moment later Grace teleported onto the couch, landing with a bump. "Hi!" she grinned, cheerfully waving.

The therapist gulped. "So, miss Hystia. According to my files, you are an orphan?"

"No," Grace's smile dimmed as she shook her head.

"But . . my files say that you were taken prisoner after a dark guild destroyed your village and killed your family," the therapist raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, but those were just my birth parents. I don't even remember them," Grace shrugged, her lips drooping. "Phoenix's Eye is my family. Master Feng's my mummy, and Pierce is my big brother. So I'm not an orphan,"

"Alright," the therapist nodded. "Do you miss your birth parents?"

"No. I don't even remember them," Grace shrugged. Her smile was completely gone now, and her breaths seemed to be deeper. The therapist noticed this, and realised the girl was being pushed outside her comfort zone. "Does that upset you?"

"No," Grace lied.

"Grace, therapy doesn't work if you lie to me," the therapist chastised her.

The young girl didn't respond, her eyebrows sliding together. Unbeknownst to the therapist, reality began to ripple around her hands.

"Now, Grace. Be honest with me. Does it upset you that you don't remember your family?"

"Shut up!" the greenette shouted, her arms spasming as she briefly lost control. Suddenly, the therapist's desk sank into the ground, reappearing on its side in front of Grace, and a picture behind her fell into the wall, where it landed on the desk's legs, forming an enclosed space that she immediately ducked into.

The therapist, startled, raised an eyebrow. She had sought shelter . . from the questions? "Perhaps we should change the subject," he suggested. "I understand that, in the course of life as a guild wizard with Phoenix's Eye, you are often thrust into dangerous situations. Are you comfortable with this?" he asked, knowing she could still hear her.

"They're not dangerous," came the answering squeak.

The therapist blinked in confusion. "But you regularly have to fight powerful dark wizards and monsters. Doesn't that concern you? Frighten you?"

"Nope. My brother's always there to protect me," Grace replied. "E-except now," she realised.

There was a sudden crash, and the lightbulb in the lamp nearby the chair shattered. Forcing himself to remain calm, the therapist regarded the space where Grace was hiding. "I assure you, you have nothing to fear from me. I only want to help you," he placatingly replied.

Grace squeaked non-verbally in response.

Sighing, the therapist looked over the notes that had been scattered on the floor. There had to be something he could discuss with her, something _safe_ . . A phrase leapt out at him.

'However, careful testing run by the Magic Council has concluded that her Reality Dragon Slayer magic is one of the most powerful kinds of magic on record. The subject must be carefully monitored, because in the event that she might lose control, it is entirely possible that she might destroy the entire country. As it is, the subject has been placed on the shortlist as a potential future holder of the title of Wizard Saint.'

"You're a very powerful wizard, you know that?" the therapist suggested.

"Uh-huh,"

"How does that make you feel?"

Grace paused, thoughtful. "I guess it's a good thing," she murmured, a tad petulantly.

"Does it excite you? Knowing that you might become a Wizard Saint when you're older?"

"Should I be?" she asked.

"I'd say it's quite exciting," the therapist mused. "Imagine that. Being able to say that you used to be the therapist to a Wizard Saint, what a boost to my image that would be,"

Grace stiffened, hearing this.

"I do want to help you, Grace. You have a lot of potential, and I don't want to see it wasted,"

"Potential?" Grace murmured to herself, frowning. Her lip wobbled.

"Pardon? I didn't quite catch that," the therapist frowned.

"You don't care about me, you just want to take advantage of me," the twelve-year-old mumbled, grinding her teeth together.

"Excuse me? Don't be silly," The therapist probably should have known that taking a patronising tone with her was a bad idea, but he was annoyed that this bratty little girl dared suggest such a thing. "I am a professional, and any potential fame that might be gleaned from my association with you in the future is not at all pertinent to our present interactions. How dare you even suggest such a thing? Now remember, I am here to help you!" he was almost shouting at this point.

"Reality Dragon's Roar!" The force of the subsequent blast of grey energy threw him straight through the wall and into the adjoining room - and then straight across that room and through the window on the other side.

Hearing the crashing noise, Pierce flung the doors open and dashed inside. Not even surprised by the state of the room, he immediately crawled through the hole in the desk and found Grace within, sobbing into her dress. He wrapped his arms around her, protectively rubbing her back. "Hey, hey, everything's alright,"

"Yuh-uh," she weakly nodded, clinging to him. "He's a bad man,"

"I knew this was a bad idea," Pierce sighed. "Come on, let's go get some ice cream,"

Grace immediately perked up. "Okay,"

~P's E~

A few days later, Master Feng was shuffling through her mail when she came across one marked «URGENT». "What's this?" she wondered, taking a cursory glance.

"So, some therapist who couldn't handle our baby dragon is filing a complaint?" she mused, before producing a fire in her palm and incinerating the letter. "They really should put some kind of restriction on who's allowed to use «URGENT» stamps," the guild master shook her head.

A/N  
 **A/N**

 **So, was everyone expecting a funny, feel-good story?**

 **I aim to surprise. Peace!**


	7. The Tales of Captain Black: Part 1

Chapter F-7: The Tales of Captain Black Part 1

 **A/N: Read up to the end of Chapter 87 (or Chapter 17 in "Crowns of Thorns") before you read this!**

Two days after the _Flying Flag_ was cast adrift, Kenzie Black was drowsily leaning on the tiller. She didn't know where the ship was going, or if she'd survive the journey. All she knew was that she hadn't seen land since leaving Cactus Island, and that her idol's rotting corpse was lying on the other side of the deck. She was almost on the verge of going to sleep, actually.

And then there was a noise of splintering wood, and the ship shook around her. Startled awake, Kenzie staggered out of the tiller-house - just in time, as part of the roof collapsed, which would have crushed her.

Struggling against her exhaustion, the young girl peered around, blessing her Shadow Magic for its bonus to her night vision. It looked like the ship had been wrecked on the rocks along the coast of an island.

She shivered. It had suddenly grown colder. Squinting at the beach beneath the ship, Kenzie blinked and wondered if she was seeing things. Because what she had taken for sand actually looked a lot whiter than it ought to . . almost like snow.

Distant shouts attracted her attention, and she squinted. In the distance, a few bobbing lights were approaching.

With a flash, a deep purple magic circle appeared in her hand, and the girl frowned, prepared to defend herself if the newcomers were hostile.

But then the world went dark, her magic disappeared, and the tilted deck of the ship reached up and knocked her on the head.

~Captain's Log~

The next few hours were a blur to Kenzie. She swam in and out of consciousness; picking up brief snatches of conversation, and the occasional image.

"I think this one's alive!" a man shouted, standing over her. Another voice retorted, "Search the wreckage, look for other survivors. I'll take her back to town,"

Some time later - Minutes? Hours? Days? - Kenzie looked up and blearily saw a tall man in warm clothing looking down at her. He seemed to be carrying her, and from the jostling motion, he was running.

"Gerrof," she slurred. "Dun need carring. 'M Feeniksie,"

"Hold on," the man assured her, realising she was awake. "I'll get you to a doctor,"

Some amount of time later, there was another man eyeing her. "She doesn't seem badly hurt at all, just exhausted. Some good food and bed rest will set her right as rain," he assured the man who she had seen before, who nodded. "Thank you, Dr. Hiruluk,"

And, then, finally, she woke up properly. As soon as she realised she was awake, Kenzie sat bolt upright, looking around wildly.

"Oh, good, you're up," the man she had kept seeing commented, looking at her in concern. "How do you feel?"

"Like I got hit with a ton of bricks," Kenzie truthfully informed him.

He cracked a smile at that, before turning serious. "How much do you remember?"

Kenzie remembered everything. Vigaro staggering onto the deck with his guts spilling out, cutting the ropes, letting the sails loose and steering them out of Whiskey Peak . . the two days she had clung to the tiller with his corpse inches away . . crashing on the beach. "Everything," she confirmed. "Did you get me out of the wreckage?"

"Yes, I did," he inclined his head.

"Well, thank you . ." Kenzie paused, and the man filled in; "Dalton,"

The girl grinned. "Dalton," she repeated.

"We didn't find any other survivors. Just one dead body," Dalton warned her, and she shook her head. "There wasn't anything else to find," Kenzie sighed.

"Oh . . may I ask what happened?" he questioned.

The Phoenix shook her head. "I don't know. Me and the Black Eye Pirates pulled in at a port called Whiskey Peak. They welcomed us with open arms and wanted to throw us a party. But the adults didn't want me exposed to alcohol at my age, so they made me stay on the ship. When I woke up, we were at sea, and Captain Vigaro was bleeding out over the tiller. Everyone else was gone," she recapped.

Dalton frowned. "I see," he lied. His first instinct was to call the story bullshit. Were the survivor anyone else, he would suspect that they had killed their own crew. But he'd eat his hat if this girl was older than fourteen. Surely a little girl wasn't capable of such an atrocity . . . which meant he had no choice but to accept her word.

"Where am I?" Kenzie asked.

"Drum Kingdom," he replied, and, upon seeing her clueless look, Dalton elaborated. "It's an island on the Grand Line,"

Kenzie nodded. "That makes sense," she admitted, sinking back into bed as an important fact sunk in. _Her friends were dead_.

Dalton decided to leave her in peace, and the girl heard him leave. She sighed, considering an important question; what was she going to do now?

She was stranded on an island in the middle of the most dangerous ocean in the world. Her friends, her idol, the people who she'd trusted to keep her safe, were dead. The _Flying Flag_ had been destroyed. And she had no idea what to do.

All that was left was . . "The job," Kenzie murmured, sitting up again. Looking around, she spotted a spare coat, and pulled it on. It was several sizes too big for her, but that was good, as it hung around her exposed legs like a dress.

She had to find the wreck. She had to know if it had survived.

However, as soon as she had exited the building, her feet crunching on white show, she heard panicked shouts. As a wizard of Phoenix's Eye, Kenzie never could leave well enough alone, so, naturally, she charged in the direction the noise was coming from.

As she rounded a corner, she discovered the man who had taken care of her - Dalton - and a couple of men facing off against several unsavoury-looking characters. Based on the multitude of cliches in their appearance, Kenzie could only assume that they were pirates. And not the good kind.

"Yer money or yer life!" the leader of the pirates challenged, pointing a sword at Dalton.

The girl's jaw set. Dalton had been kind to her, rescued her. She wasn't just going to stand around and let him get bullied. With a flash, a magic circle was in her hand, and she prepared to cast -

And, suddenly, Dalton seemed to bulge up, growing bigger and more muscled, his back bulging with powerful shoulder blades, giving him a hunchbacked appearance. Reaching back, he drew a weapon that looked like a flattened, sharpened, metal baseball bat. The Pirates quailed as the guard glared down at them, brandishing his weapon with menace.

"He's a Devil Fruit eater, Captain!" one of the pirates moaned. Their leader seemed nervous, but shook it off. "So what? He's just a Zoan Type. He's not so -" That was as far as he got before Dalton delivered a staggering blow with the broad side of his weapon, sending him flying into the air.

This, though, just seemed to make his colleagues angry, and they all charged, attempting to mob Dalton. Kenzie cursed, and dashed forwards. "Shadowmake: Kestrel!" A speedy bird made of shadows shot from her hands, and knocked one of the pirates away before he could land a blow on Dalton.

Unfortunately, that got one of the pirates' attention, and he grinned, seeing the little girl and thinking that she made an easier target than the big man. Kenzie cursed, realising that she had an assailant's attention. "Shadowmake: Shell!" she hastily invoked, seeing him bring his sword down - only for it to be blocked by a turtle shell of shadow.

Kenzie did not, however, expect the attacker to widen his eyes and back away in fear. "She's a Devil Fruit eater too!" he hollered to his comrades.

"A what?" she blinked, but realised that whatever his fear of her Shadow Magic was, she could use it to her advantage. "Uh, that's right! Fear my Shadow . . Devil . . Fruitiness!" she declared, brandishing the shadowy shield. Kenzie almost sweatdropped at the words she was saying. If any of her friends back in Fiore could see her now, they'd laugh their pants off . . . Kenzie actually wasn't sure which was more embarrassing; the fact that she had just used 'fruitiness' as a threat, or the fact that it worked.

Because her assailant screamed and turned tail. Seeing their comrade run, the rest of his crew quickly abandoned the fight against Dalton and joined him in fleeing back to their ship. Dalton and Kenzie watched him go, the wizard dispelling her shield - no sense in wasting ethernano, after all - and it wasn't long before the ship whose mast she could see in the distance was retreating from the island.

"Nice work, Dalton. Keep it up and you'll be captain of the guards sooner or later," one of his friends chuckled, and Dalton nodded as he shrunk back to his - still quite beefy - normal form. Once he was confident that the Pirates wouldn't return, he turned to Kenzie, having guessed that it was her. "I see you're out of bed,"

"Yep," she nodded.

"So, you ate a Devil Fruit too?" he asked, conversationally inquisitive.

"Uh, nope. What is that, anyway?" Kenzie cocked her head in curiosity.

Dalton frowned. "A Devil Fruit is a fruit that's said to have a devil inside it. Each one has certain powers, and whoever eats that fruit, the devil inside it inhabits their body and grants them those powers. However, if you eat a Devil Fruit, the sea will hate you and take away your ability to swim," He chuckled. "At least, that's what the stories say. I've never felt like there's a devil inside my body, though . . . But if you didn't eat one, what was that shadow thing you could do?"

"This?" Kenzie made shadows flicker across her palm. "It's Shadow Maker Magic. I learned it in Fiore. Don't you have magic around here?"

Dalton squinted at her curiously. "No, we don't. Not like that, anyway. That's amazing,"

"It's really nothing. Now tell me more about these Devil Fruits!" Kenzie commanded, before pausing, remembering why she had come on the first place. "Actually, can we walk and talk? There's something very important in the wreckage of my ship, and I need to go and get it,"

The man nodded. "That sounds fine with me,"

~Captain's Log~

"So, there are three types of Devil Fruit. Paramecia, Zoan and Logia," Kenzie nodded. "You ate the Ox-Ox Fruit Model: Bison, and now you're able to turn into a human/bison hybrid, or into a pure bison,"

"Yes," Dalton confirmed.

"Zoan-Types are affiliated with animals and give their eaters animal powers. Logia types are affiliated with natural elements, and change the user's body so that it is made of that element. Paramecia types are basically anything that doesn't fall under Logia or Zoan," the girl continued, and the guard nodded. "Furthermore, if someone who ate a Devil Fruit comes into contact with salt water, their powers dry up and they start getting sick," Again, Dalton nodded confirmation.

"In that case, I have a question,"

"Shoot," the guard asked.

"If you can turn into a bull, why the hell didn't you let me ride you? You could have been carrying me for the last mile!" Kenzie complained.

Dalton didn't know quite how to respond to that. ". . Oh look, we're here," he observed, seeing the wreck of the _Flying Flag_.

Forgetting her irritation, Kenzie sprung towards the pile of timber, heedless of the sharp rocks or the freezing water. She carefully clambered onto the deck, before swinging through a large gash that had opened in the woodwork and into the hull. The freezing water was ankle-deep, but Kenzie ignored it, looking around the storage containers. Her gaze passed over the food, and the personal effects of her crew mates, until she saw it. Rushing across the hull, she pulled open the box and withdrew a piece of paper. Carefully unrolling it, she gazed at the ten simple words that had engineered her fate.

 **SAIL THROUGH THE GRAND LINE AND FIND THE ONE PIECE**

This was it. The job request that had started it all. The one that Vigaro had given his life to.

The one that Kenzie had accepted along with him.

In that moment, the Phoenix knew what she had to do. She wasn't going to go home. She would continue along the Grand Line. She would find a new ship, build a new crew. She would sail to the end of the world. She would find the One Piece.

"Kenzie Black, Queen of the Pirates," she tried the title, rolling the words around her tongue. "I like the sound of that,"

~Captain's Log~

So Kenzie decided that she would wait until a ship came by and stow away. In the meantime, Dalton agreed to let her stay with him until a ship that she could get passage on came by.

(She did lie and tell him that she wanted to get on a ship to return home, though - but if she was to achieve that, she would have to travel to the Sabaody Archipelago, at the mid-point of the Grand Line, anyway, since it was impossible to sail back through Reverse Mountain, and the existence of the Calm Belt - the border of the Grand Line - meant it was impossible to leave the Grand Line except at the Sabaody Archipelago. But Kenzie had never minded telling lies to suit her purposes.)

So she filled her days with reading and practising her magic, learning everything she could that she thought might help her find the One Piece, and building up the strength of her Shadow Maker magic. Because her magic, more than anything, would give her the edge in this place.

"What is that?" she suddenly heard someone ask during one of her training sessions. The Phoenix whirled, finding a boy with pale skin, spiky black hair and brown eyes watching her. She rolled her eyes. "It's magic. And no, it isn't a Devil Fruit. It's my own ability,"

"Really?" He seemed fascinated, and Kenzie shrugged, allowing him to join her. They fell to talking, and in the process Kenzie discovered some things about her new friend. His name was Hellhunter Lancelot, and he lived alone with his father, an old alcoholic who didn't care much for his only family, but he had dreams of becoming a great warrior. The girl hummed appreciatively. If this were Fiore, he was just the kind of person she'd expect to join Phoenix's Eye.

And then it struck her. "How about you join my pirate crew?" she suddenly burst out.

Lance blinked, surprised, but mulled it over. It actually wasn't a bad idea . . "Sure,"

~Captain's Log~

One month later, Kenzie and Lance boarded a large ship that had stopped at Drum Island to resupply, with Dalton's money buying their tickets, as well as some spending money he had generously given them. It was a merchant ship, whose course, Kenzie had overheard the sailors talking, was for the largest city on the Grand Line, home to the world's most famous shipyards and a haven for Pirates up and down the Grand Line. A place called Water 7.

Kenzie grinned. The plan was; find some more crewmates, steal a ship, and sail onwards.

It took almost two months, but eventually, the ship reached Water 7, and, standing on the prow, the Phoenix took in the city.

It was massive, rising from the ocean like a mountain. The centre of the city was a terraced, staggered area, with several canals leading up to the top, which was crowned by an impossibly massive fountain. The islands and areas around the central city were encrusted with partially-submerged towns built on the waterline. Squinting, Kenzie noticed that, rather than roads, the streets were all canals and people seemed to get around with boats and riding some kind of strange aquatic creature that she didn't recognise.

"I never thought I'd see it," Lance admitted, looking around. "This place is amazing,"

"Yeah, it is," Kenzie agreed.

"Those are the shipyards there," the boy observed, gesturing to several massive numbered doors in the lower wall of the central citadel. "Think we have enough money to buy a ship?"

"We have five hundred Bellies. That's barely enough for a few day's worth of food," Kenzie flatly told him. "No, if we want a ship we'll have to steal one,"

"I dunno. The shipwrights are honest, hard-working people. I don't feel right about stealing from them," Lance retorted with a frown.

Kenzie nodded, accepting this. "Well, that should be fine. We'll just have to steal a ship from some other pirates. But first, we need some more crew-mates,"

It wasn't long until the ship docked, and the two teenagers emerged into the city.

"So, Black, what's the plan?" Lance questioned.

"Find a tavern, get some information, and . . what did you just call me?" Kenzie blinked.

"Black. That's your name, isn't it?" the boy raised an eyebrow.

Kenzie frowned briefly, then remembered. "Right, around here people put their surnames first. I guess I should start introducing myself as Black Kenzie,"

Her friend smiled at this. "It has a ring to it," Lance agreed, and Kenzie chuckled. "Indeed it does,"

In unison, though, their stomachs rumbled. The two looked at each other, slightly embarrassed, and chuckled. "Let's go find a tavern,"

~Captain's Log~

The two grinned as the waitress of the local pub served them up a piping hot meal of fish and chips. "Time to eat," Kenzie licked her lips. Without hesitation, they dug in.

It was only a couple of minutes until a man - probably another pirate - walked past their table. And swept an arm out over Lance's plate, grabbing a fistful of fries.

Lance paused. "Excuse me?" he sharply asked the pirate who was now eating his dinner.

"You're excused," the man rudely shrugged, walking away.

Kenzie frowned. "That's our food," she frowned, standing up.

The man turned, the light glistening off his bald scalp and making his eyes glint dangerously. "And what are you doing to do about it?"

"Yeah. What are ya gonna do?" another man, who was evidently a friend of his, challenged, standing beside him.

Kenzie's jaw set. No one talked to a wizard of Phoenix's Eye like that. "How about this?" she snapped, bringing her arms up, before flexing them outwards. "Shadowmake: Infestation!" At her command, a swarm of dark bugs burst out of her sleeves and trousers, flittering through the air and skittering along the hall. The pirates screamed in terror, their mood completely reversing, and ran, dropping the chips. Kenzie smirked, and, at her mental command, her creations caught the food, quickly returning it to her.

Spinning, she offered the scraps of potato to Lance. "Your dinner," the Phoenix smirked.

Lance looked at the chips, then looked back at the dissipating bugs. "You can eat that,"

Kenzie shrugged, taking a bite, and made to sit down in her chair - only to find someone already sitting in it. The newcomer was short and scruffy, with dark brown hair done up in a blood red bandana, wearing a green tunic and brown pants.

"That was a pretty sweet move you pulled, see," she observed, looking up at Kenzie with interest. "What's your name, see?"

"Kenzie Black," she responded on autopilot. A few seconds later, Kenzie realised her mistake and silently cursed.

"Well, Black, see, I heard a tale that might have you interested. See, tomorrow night there's a train coming in -"

"A train?" Kenzie repeated in surprise. "But this is an island,"

"What, are ya stupid?" the girl scoffed. "The Puffing Tom, see? The infamous sea train, pride of Water 7, see? It's coming in tonight on its way to Enies' Lobby, see,"

"The facility used by the World Government to process prisoners before sending them to the inescapable prison Impel Down," Lance recognised the name. Kenzie shot him a quiet grateful look for saving her the trouble of admitting that she had no idea what Enies' Lobby was.

"You got it, see. So the train's stopping at Water 7 tomorrow night, and it's carrying the taxes from this region that are being sent to Enies' Lobby by the World Government, see, so that they can be shipped to Mary-Geoise, see. Since you two are new around here, you probably haven't heard, but the town of Pucci didn't have enough money to pay its taxes this year, see. So to break even, they handed over a couple of Devil Fruits that they had lying around, see,"

Kenzie raised an eyebrow.

"What's this have to do with us?" Lance questioned.

"Simple enough, see. A big pile of gold, a couple of Devil Fruits, all just sitting there ripe for the picking, see. But only for a couple of hours. Now, a street rat like me couldn't get in there, see. But a couple of powerful pirates like you two? I'd say it's a damn good opportunity, see,"

Kenzie raised an eyebrow. "I see,"

"Glad to hear it, see. Well, I'll be off. See you around, see!" she winked, leaving Kenzie's chair and strutting away.

Lance frowned after her. "There's something I don't like about her,"

"True. But if her intel's good, then this could be a major score. Maybe even enough money to buy our own ship!" Kenzie beamed. "Then we could really get this pirate thing started,"

Her friend nodded. " _If_ her intel's good, though. She didn't even give us her name,"

"Don't worry. I have a funny feeling like we'll see her again," Kenzie mused.

A/N

 **A/N**

 **Okay, if it wasn't obvious back in Chapter 87, it should be now; Kenzie Black of the Black Eye Pirates is a walking One Piece crossover. And I love it.**

 **So, funny story. I was originally going to post this the week after Chapter 87 went live. The Tales of Captain Black was supposed to be a two-part Filler Episode. But I've been having major trouble finishing the second part of it . . all things considered, I think I'll actually have to make it a three-parter. Bit of a shame, but the end result will be that much better. I hope.**

 **Eh, anyway. No idea when parts 2 and 3 will be going live, but rest assured I'm working on them. Peace!**


	8. The Tales of Captain Black Part 2

Chapter F-8: The Tales of Captain Black Part 2

It had been a tiring few months for Kenzie Black. Her guildmates had been killed, with her idol, old man Vigaro, sacrificing himself to get her to safety. After the _Flying Flag_ was wrecked on the coast, Kenzie had stumbled ashore, only to be rescued by the kind villagers of Drum Island, led by Dalton. Along the way, she had joined up with Hellhunter Lancelot, and together, they had made their way to Water 7, the biggest city in this half of the Grand Line. Shortly after arrival, a mysterious person had informed them that the Puffing Tom - the legendary sea train of Water 7 - would be arriving on the following night, carrying a bounty of taxes for the World Government, including a Devil Fruit or two - magical objects that granted anyone who ate them incredible powers.

"I still think something's fishy about this," Lance muttered, but Kenzie elbowed him. "Shush. They'll hear us,"

They were crouched on the roof of the train station attached to the shore. Just below the rolling waves on the water's surface, Kenzie could see submerged train tracks. "How does it work? Does the train float? How does it stay on the tracks?"

Lance shrugged. "Beats me. Do I look like a shipwright?"

"You're right," Kenzie frowned thoughtfully. "We should recruit a shipwright when we buy a ship tomorrow,"

"That's really not what I meant," the boy sweatdropped.

In the distance, there was a faint noise, and the two fledgling pirates peered into the distance, following the submerged line of the magnetic tracks that floated under the water. Sure enough, they could faintly see a train approaching over the water.

"I still can't believe that someone built a _sea train_ ," Kenzie muttered.

"It's impressive alright," Lance agreed.

They watched as the Puffing Tom started to slow down. It was painted a deep sea green, with brassed rims and piping to support a funnel and roof coloured a dark red. "Maybe we should get a sea train," Kenzie suggested, but Lance shook his head. "No. It would be limited to trac- what's that?" he interrupted himself, pointing at a spot in the ocean.

Kenzie followed his faze and blinked. "It's . . a giant frog," she observed the green creature. "Doing the front crawl,"

"I didn't know frogs could do the front crawl," Lance murmured.

They watched as the frog clambered onto the track in front of the Puffing Tom, and glared at the train, raising its arms and baring its chest.

"What's he doing?" the boy questioned, and Kenzie frowned. "Is he going to stop the train?"

Puffing Tom, though, remorselessly forged ahead, hit the frog head on, and sent the amphibian flying back into the water. The two young pirates blinked in surprise. "Well, that happened," Kenzie observed.

The giant frog, though, did not appear again as the train pulled into the station at Water 7, brakes squealing and bringing the unorthodox vessel to a halt, where it gently swayed back and forth on the water.

"That's where the taxes will be held," Lance muttered, gesturing at a windowless boxcar near the end of the train.

"Wait," Kenzie cautioned as several people exited the Puffing Tom, and some porters immediately stepped up and started loading a couple of boxes into the car they had been eyeing. "Too many people around right now. Also, we gotta wait until they've loaded Water 7's taxes too. More bang for our buck,"

"Good point," Lance agreed. "The train won't leave until tonight, anyway. We have plenty of time,"

So they waited, crouched on the roof of the station, watching and waiting for the perfect moment.

And finally, after two hours of cramps and boredom and idle, whispered discussion, there was a moment when the porters had finished up, the train driver and the guards had all gone to get a drink, and the station attendant had surreptitiously ducked into the bathroom.

"Now!" Kenzie hissed, slamming a palm into the roof and commanding; "Shadowmake: Slide!" A smooth surface of shadows stretched down from the shingle, leading directly to the door of the train, and Kenzie threw herself forwards, sliding on her butt down the slope. Lance was quick behind her, and as they reached the bottom the pirate pressed a hand to the clasp and cast; "Shadowmake: Lock Pick!" In a second, the lock clicked open, and the redhead tore it away, before dropping it into the crack between the train and the platform where the ocean was visible, letting it sink into the watery depths. Not wasting a second, she swept the door open and leapt inside, into the dark interior.

Lance, following, cursed. "Can't see a thing,"

"I can," Kenzie nodded, looking around. There were multiple boxes, most marked with large stamps that read ' **PROPERTY OF THE WORLD GOVERNMENT** '. "Okay, most of these will be filled with money. Which isn't a bad thing, but we're looking for those Devil Fruits that lady mentioned,"

"Way ahead of you," Lance was already rooting around in a crate. "This is mostly silk, by the looks of things," he shrugged. "Expensive stuff, but not what we came for,"

Both stiffened as they heard the door at the far end of the carriage swing open,and span to face the newcomer. Kenzie was already forming a spell in her hands, ready to attack what they were certain would be some manner of guard.

Instead, though, the little girl they had seen the previous day was staring at them in surprise, her wide eyes peering from under her red bandana. "You two chumps made it? See?" she spluttered in surprise.

"Made it?" Kenzie asked, surprised.

"Guess you're smarter than ya look, see," she shrugged. "You can help me carry the loot," she ascertained.

Lance frowned. "What do you mean, smarter than we look?"

But Kenzie had it figured out. "Hold on. I think I understand what's going on now," she frowned. "You told us about this shipment because you knew we'd try to steal it. You wanted us to keep the guards busy by getting caught so you'd be clear to make off with the Bellies!"

The girl paused, cocking an eyebrow. "Huh. I didn't peg ya fer a smart-arse, see," she observed. "Alright, ya got me, see. What are ya gonna do? Rat me out to the guards?" she rhetorically asked with a smirk.

Kenzie fumed. "You're right," she frowned.

"Well, we'll be able to carry more if there's three of us," Lance admitted.

"That's right. _You_ can help _us_ carry the loot," the young pirate tightly smiled.

"Sure. But Devil Fruits are finders keepers," the thief declared, prising open a crate of her own and starting to shovel the coins within into a bag.

"You never told us your name, by the way," Lance pointed out.

"Shelley. Tulip Shelley," she introduced herself. "Hellhunter Lancelot,"

"Captain Black Kenzie," the Phoenix flippantly retorted.

"Some captain," Shelley muttered to herself, but didn't protest any further.

A solid ten minutes passed as the group scooped up the tax money, until Kenzie spotted something unusual. There was a metal safe with a combination lock nestled behind a crate. Deciding not to alert the other two, just in case it was what she thought it was, she ducked down and eyed the lock. A razor sharp, paper-thin blade of shadow was stuck into the crack between the door and the side, and she yanked it downwards, dispensing with the lock and simply cutting through the mechanism.

There was a loud squeak as the door slid open, and the pirate's eyes widened.

Nestled among some chunks of ice were two colourful fruits, with thick skin coated in what almost looked like leathery scales. One was a dark grey, almost black, while the other was a light blue.

"Whatcher got there, see?" Kenzie started as Shelley leapt over and peered at the safe.

"Finders keepers," the girl snorted, reaching into the safe and grabbing the black fruit.

"But I need power, see!" Shelley declared, reaching inside to stop her. But Kenzie tugged, and, meeting resistance, tugged harder, finally pulling the fruit out of the safe.

Both froze, seeing that there was a long wire attached to a screw that was drilled into the bottom of the fruit.

And then alarm bells started to ring from the roof, startling all three of them. "Shit," Kenzie moaned, pulling the tripwire out of the fruit. "There goes our cover,"

Before she could do anything, Shelley took the other Devil Fruit. "Finders keepers, see," she retorted, pulling out a second tripwire and clutching the blue fruit like a precious jewel.

"You two found the Devil Fruits? Good, because I think we have to go!" Lance shouted at them, carrying two large bags of coins. The two girls immediately straightened and picked up their own bags, and Kenzie leapt past her crewmate, making for the door leading into the carriage behind theirs. Lance and Shelley were right behind her as she threw the door open.

A firing squadron of five Marine soldiers were staring them down, each armed with a gun, and Kenzie drew up short.

"Hands up!" one of them barked.

Shelley immediately raised her hands, still clutching the bag of loot and the Devil Fruit, but the other two tensed for a fight. "Shadowmake: Bats!" Kenzie shouted, and a swarm of winged shadows shot from her arms, obscuring the soldiers' vision.

"Wow," Shelley muttered.

"Not this way," Kenzie determined, wheeling and returning to the treasure carriage, shutting the doors behind them. They promptly swung open the door that led straight onto the platform.

"Shit," Lance muttered, seeing the dozen soldiers, led by an officer, who were aiming guns at them.

The officer seemed surprised. "It's just a couple of kids," he blinked, before stepping forwards. "Who are you?" he frowned.

Kenzie drew herself up with a wild grin. "I'm Captain Kenzie Black!" she declared. "And these two are my loyal crewmates,"

"Two?" Shelley paused, looking around, before realising what Kenzie meant. "Wait, no no no no _no_!" she protested, hastily stepping away from the pirates. "I'm not with them!"

But the Phoenix smiled as she pulled the grey-black Devil Fruit out of her bag. "And I've got something you don't," And as the soldiers watched, hesitant to shoot at a young girl, she tore into the fruit with her teeth, swallowing a chunk of the thick, scaly skin and juicy, rank insides.

Kenzie promptly made a face. "Disgusting," she shook her head.

"Spit it out! You don't know what you're doing!" the officer commanded, sounding concerned.

But Kenzie had already swallowed, and she could feel something . . new . . in her magic circuits. Strange words swam into her mind; ' _Dog-Dog Fruit Model: Wolf_ '. And suddenly there was a tingling sensation in her body, an overpowering urge to use her new ability. And there was no reason to resist.

Dark grey fur suddenly sprouted across her body, quickly entirely coating her frame. Her skull became streamlined and elongated, protruding into a muzzle that ended with a wet snout and full of sharp, canine teeth. Triangular black ears emerged through her lengthening red/black hair as it grew into a mane, and a short, grey tail emerged from the small of her back. Her hands and feet emerged into padded paws, growing claws and ripping out of her shoes.

". . Kenzie?" Lance blinked, inching backwards.

"Zoan Type Devil Fruit, see," Shelley nervously registered.

And then Kenzie threw herself at the soldiers, knocking the captain backwards. Started, the soldiers opened fire at the assailant, but with wild aim and the attacker in the centre of their group, most of the bullets hit their allies. Those who weren't immediately incapacitated by their teammates were brought to the ground by the snarling beast.

"There they - what the heck?!" Lance span to see the six soldiers they had previously encountered on the train emerging, each raising their guns to fire at his Captain. "Oh, hell," he growled, before looking at Shelley. "You gonna eat that thing or what?" he demanded, gesturing to the Devil Fruit she was still holding. "It's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"Hands up!" one of the soldiers barked, levelling his gun at the two children. But Kenzie, registering the threat, immediately abandoned the fight and tackled the assailant, crossing the distance in mere seconds.

"Yeah . . I suppose it is," Shelley admitted, and, before she could hesitate more, she tore a hunk of the putrid flesh from the Fruit and swallowed it, before making a face. "Kenzie wasn't kidding, that is -" Unknown words echoed in her skull; ' _Many-Many Fruit_ '. On a sudden instinct, the thief clapped her hands.

There was a poof of smoke, and an exact duplicate of Shelley appeared behind her.

Lance blinked. "Um . ." he spluttered.

Turning, the original Shelley locked eyes with the copy and drew back in surprise. Then she looked down at her hands. "Oh . . interesting," With a wicked smile, both Shelley-s clapped their hands five more times.

Kenzie's feral fight was interrupted by at least a dozen Shelley-s swarming the Marines. The copies had all the strength of a ten-year-old girl and shattered like glass after taking a good hit, but the sheer force of numbers rapidly overwhelmed the Marines and wrested their weaponry away from them.

"Come on!" Lance and the original Shelley - distinguishable by the sack of loot that she had slung over her shoulder - gestured to Kenzie as they ran back towards the door of the train station that led out into the city. Shaking her head like a dog to clear her mind of the feral impulses, Kenzie rose back to two legs, grabbed her sacks of loot and fled in pursuit of her crewmates.

It took the Marines several minutes to dispatch the last of Shelley's clones and reorganise themselves. "After them!" the leader roared, and the Marines immediately left the station, searching for the young pirates.

Kenzie, Lance and Shelley all watched from the roof of the train station as the Marines dispersed into the surrounding neighbourhood. "No one ever thinks to look up," the Phoenix smirked.

"I gots to hand it to you, this was a pretty swell place to hide, see," Shelley admitted.

"So, what are you going to do now?" Lance questioned, eyeing the thief with suspicion.

"One-third of the loot is rightfully hers," Kenzie pointed out.

"That's true, see," Shelley accepted. "But thanks to you, those Marine chumps are gonna be on my case about bein' a pirate now. Gonna make it real damn difficult to get by around here, swag or no swag, see,"

"Then come with us. We're going to head out to open ocean soon, and an extra pair of hands couldn't hurt," the black-haired boy suggested.

The thief cocked a skeptical eyebrow. ". . . Did you twos plot this so's I'd have no choice but to join up with ya crew, see?" she questioned with taut lips.

"Well, you did try to set us up to take the fall for your robbery. After all, I can't imagine that the Marines would have been very happy with us if the train got robbed while they were distracted keeping an eye on us. Fair's fair," Kenzie smirked.

Shelley just frowned, and Kenzie chuckled. "I guess you're stuck with us, then! Now come on, you two," she commanded, taking a running leap to he next ship across. "Let's go buy ourselves a ship,"

Lance immediately followed her, and Shelley frowned, before sighing, and going after them. "You'd damn well better make this worth my while, see!"

A/N

 **A/N**

 **And here we have the second entry in the history of Captain Black "The Succubus" Kenzie!**

 **Originally, I was only going to have there be two parts. But this chapter started getting really long, sooooo . . I figure I'll just make this a sub-series, and whenever I have a One Piece fanfiction itch, I'll settle it by writing for Kenzie Black!**

 **This chapter demonstrates the recruitment of Shelley, the Black Eye Pirates' resident thief, and how Shelley and Kenzie got their Devil Fruits.**

 **Of course, diehard One Piece fans will know that the Dog-Dog Fruit Model: Wolf was already eaten by a member of Cipher Pole 9 . . but the creator of Kenzie, my friend FairyTailNut, really wanted her to have a thing about wolves. So I engineered this scenario, in which the Fruit was stolen before it could be delivered to Cipher Pole 9. I'm sure he got some other fruit, though. No biggie either way.**

 **As for Shelley's Devil Fruit, it's one I made up . . I wanted to call it the Clone-Clone Fruit, but that name was taken by a guy who can make himself look like anyone else. So I wanted to call it the Copy-Copy Fruit . . but** ** _that_** **name was taken too, by a guy who can copy other people's powers. So that left Duplicate-Duplicate Fruit . . but no Devil Fruit can have more than five syllables in the name, except Zoan-Types with their 'Model: X' jargon. So . . I was then going to go with Dupe-Dupe Fruit. But, luckily, a friend of mine suggested Many-Many Fruit instead, a far better solution and one that I decided to adopt.**

 **Anyway. Merry Christmas, and peace!**


	9. A Unification of Ideals

Chapter F-9: A Unification of Ideals

A twisting, quavering portal tore open in space and time, shimmering with grey light and rippling.

And, suddenly, several bodies emerged from it. Lync was one of the first to appear, landing in a crouch and looking around. "All clear!" he shouted as an orangette picked herself up and elbowed him. "They can't hear us on the other side," she pointed out.

Within minutes though, the remaining students of Headmaster Atsphuria's College of Practical Education - sans Tyria - had been disgorged by the portal, which sealed itself up. The tall, wizened Headmaster in question looked around at the group, checking to make sure that everyone was present and accounted for. "Is everyone alright?" he checked.

"All clear, Headmaster," Lync confirmed.

"Right," Gabriel Atsphuria nodded, looking around.

Wakaba's half-burnt cigar fell out of his mouth.

The Electrian students were standing in the middle of the Fairy Tail Guild Hall, and many of the wizards present in the guild were shocked by the unexpected intrusion.

The Headmaster quirked an eyebrow. "Is this Phoenix's Eye?" he asked Alice, looking around at the shoddy tavern. "It's rather run-down, isn't it?"

In perfect unison, Max, Macao and Romeo all chorused; _"Who are you calling run-down, you rude old man?!"_

"This isn't Phoenix's Eye," Alice assured her headmaster.

"Oi, you," Lync addressed Macao. "I'm looking for an old Guild Master with Fire magic who lives in a run-down barn,"

The former Guild Master of Fairy Tail, wielder of Purple Flare magic, who spent most nights lying in the hay of the barn attached to Fairy Tail's guild building, sweatdropped. "Well, I suppose you found him," he admitted, picking himself up off the stool.

The Vestal blinked. "What? No, not you. Our old hag's a girl," he corrected Macao

Macao was speechless. "I think they're talking about Phoenix's Eye," Wakaba pointed out.

"Well, that figures," the man sighed.

"Could you possibly give us directions?" Gabriel politely asked.

Macao shrugged. "Once you reach the main road, keep going until you reach South Gate Park, then head west until you're on the edge of town and you can't miss it,"

"Much obliged," the Headmaster nodded, turning and stringing towards the door. "Come, my students,"

"You sure you don't wanna buy a drink while you're here?" Wakaba offered.

"I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since the beginning of the war," Headmaster Atsphuria called over his shoulder.

"I'll take a-" Lync started, but Alice cut him off. "No, you're underage,"

"Technically, I'm twenty-five," the salmon-haired boy protested, but obediently followed the rest of the group out of Fairy Tail as Alice informed him; "That's not how time travel works and you know it,"

"What a strange bunch," Wakaba observed.

"They were looking for Phoenix's Eye. What do you expect?" Macao shrugged.

"I wonder who that old man was?" Laki questioned.

Romeo hummed thoughtfully. "Maybe he was the leader of an underground resistance movement from another country who lost a war, watched most of his followers die and is now seeking refuge in Fiore with the pitiful remnants of his army?"

Everyone cast him an odd look at that. "That's the first thing you think of?" Macao demanded.

"You need to get your kid some therapy," Wakaba advised.

-[CoT]-

Before long, though, the students had arrived at the Phoenix's Eye guild building.

Headmaster Atsphuria was first to enter, looking around cautiously.

And then Lync pushed past him and shouted; "Oi, old hag?! Where're you at?"

"Lync! Alice!" Sarah excitedly greeted the two, thenpaused, looking at the dozen-odd others who had come with them. "Uh . . who're all these people?"

Alice took it upon herself. "Sarah, this is Headmaster Gabriel Atsphuria. And this is what remains of our College," she gestured to her fellow students.

". . I see," Sarah blinked.

"Are you the Guild Master who I've heard so much about?" Gabriel addressed Sarah curiously. "You look very young to hold such a prestigious title,"

Sarah blinked, before realising what he was saying. "Huh? Oh - uh, no no no! I'm just the bartender," she assured him.

"Ah," Gabriel nodded, eyeing her from behind his half-moon spectacles.

There was a burst of orange light, and a red blur burst from the upper floor and landed on the ground before them. Master Feng Chriona got to her feet with her hair in flames, her red gi hanging from her elderly body. "Who are you and why are you in my guild?"

Headmaster Atsphuria tensed. For a second, golden magic played around his fingers, but Alice hastily interjected. "Master! Wait!" she commanded, interspersing herself between the two aged wizards. "This is Headmaster Atsphuria. From Electria. He's friendly!" she stressed.

Feng paused, meeting Gabriel's eyes. The aged Eelctrian regarded her with a guarded expression, but no malice.

"I see," she nodded, straightening up. "So, you're the old man who sent Tyria here with the Compendium,"

"Indeed," Atsphuria confirmed. "Forgive me for imposing on you like this,"

"Imposing?" Feng quirked an eyebrow, immediately realising where this was going. "You and your students want to stay here in the guild, don't you?"

"Well, I'm certain that we can arrange our own accomodations given time . . but simply put, yes," the Headmaster confirmed.

"I expected as much. I'm sorry for your loss," There was no need to ask the guild master what she referred to. After all, what hadn't they lost?

"Where's Tyria?" Master Feng questioned, looking around.

"Still in Electria. She's training with her grandfather," Headmaster Atsphuria explained. "Don't worry. She'll be back in time for the Grand Magic Games,"

"So, you heard about that, did you?" Feng questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course," Headmaster Atsphuria confirmed.

A smile tugged at the aged woman's lips. "Well, you'd all better get settled in. For the time being, all of you can consider Phoenix's Eye a home away from home," she declared.

The wizened headmaster smiled, bowing his head in appreciation. "You have our eternal gratitude,"


	10. Operation DRAGON-SLAYUH

Chapter F-10: **Operation D.R.A.G.O.N.-S.L.A.Y.U.H.**

 **Destructive Ragaholic Annihilates Great Operatives Needlessly - Sector Loses And Yet Undoes Her**

Previously, on "Crowns of Thorns" . . .

 _"Uh, excuse me. Where am I?" Grace asked the nearest person upon emerging from the portal. Looking around, she seemed to be inside some kind of massive treehouse._

 _The person she was addressing, a young boy with no hair, wearing a red sweater, large brown shoes, and black sunglasses, wheeled around in surprise. "What the - who are you? How did you get in here?" he asked._

 _Grace raised an eyebrow. "The big portal?" she gestured behind her, where, sure enough, a glowing interdimensional wormhole was still open behind her._

 _". . That wasn't there a moment ago," the boy blinked in bemusement._

 _"Numbuh One, what's going on - oh man, what is that?" a second boy, wearing a blue shirt, yellow goggles and an aviator's cap, gasped as he entered the room._

 _"It's a security breach," the first boy frowned, looking irritated by how excited the second was. "Just think; if this girl got into my treehouse with it, then anyone could!"_

 _Just then, somewhat proving his point, Pierce emerged. "Grace? Where are you?" he called, looking around and quickly spotting her. "There you are. You know you shouldn't walk through strange portals. Remember the magic cupboard?" He admonished her._

 _Grace had the decency to look apologetic, but before she could respond, 'Numbuh One' did. "See? A teenager! Numbuh Two!" he shouted._

 _"Already on it!" the second nodded, running over to a control panel and pressing a button._

 _"Hold on. What are you -" That was as far as Pierce got before a massive mallet swung out of the ceiling and smashed into him, throwing him back into the portal._

 _"Well, that was close. Don't worry, you're safe now," Numbuh One smiled, turning to Grace. "The Kids Next Door will always . . protect . . . children?" he trailed off, noting the angry look in the Dragon Slayer's eyes._

 _"Don't you dare attack my brother! Reality Dragon's Roar!" Grace shrieked, and a cyclone of grey Reality energy blasted a new hole in the Sector V treehouse._

-[CoT]-

The dust and smoke that had been kicked up by the blast temporarily incapacitated Numbuh One and Numbuh Two. "Numbuh Two! What just happened?" the bald operative asked, wiping a sleeve over his sunglasses to clear them.

"I don't know - whaargh!" the portly boy squealed as Grace pinned him to the ground. "You stay away from my - _yeaaaauch!_ " she suddenly screamed, leaping upright and whirling with fire in her eyes at Numbuh One, who was menacingly wielding a S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. that had just discharged at her backside.

 _Kids Next Door:_ ** _S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R._** _-_ ** _S_** _olid_ ** _P_** _ine_ ** _L_** _oaded_ ** _A_** _rtillery_ ** _N_** _icely_ ** _K_** _icks_ ** _E_** _nemy_ ** _R_** _ear_

"That'll teach you to mess with my friend!" the leader declared, before pausing, seeing that Grace was inhaling again. "Reality Dragon's Roar!" she unleashed, throwing Numbuh One straight across the command centre.

She turned around, but Numbuh Two had disappeared.

"I probably shouldn't stay," Grace murmured, turning back towards the portal and making for it - only to be interrupted by an unfamiliar boy with bowl-cut blond hair and an orange sweater. "Oi!" Numbuh Four hollered, prompting the greenette to turn and eye him curiously.

He rattled a scrappy, gun-looking machine dangerously, before aiming the end of the bottle at Grace and shouting "You think you're so tough? How about this?" he declared, firing a blast of green energy at Grace. Taken by surprise, Grace was knocked backwards, and, her powers reacting on instinct, she tore reality, opening a rift to catch her and deposit her somewhere outside the line of fire. That green phaser stung.

 _Kids Next Door:_ ** _S.C.A.M.P.P._** _-_ **_S_** _oup_ ** _C_** _an_ ** _A_** _nd_ ** _M_** _agnified_ ** _P_** _hoton_ ** _P_** _hlaser_

As the Dragon Slayer vanished, Numbuh Four blinked. "Eh? Where'd she go?"

"I think she's got some kind of teleportation ability," Numbuh One commented.

"Okay, but where'd she go?"

-[CoT]-

Grace landed in a dark room and hit a mound of soft, plush objects. "Eew," she spat out a small piece of plastic and picked herself up, looking around. She appeared to be surrounded by colourful stuffed monkeys, each stitched with a wide smile and with a small plastic rainbow attached to their heads. "What are these?" she frowned.

"You don't know what a Rainbow Monkey is?" an incredulous voice asked, and Grace span to seen an Asian girl with an oversized green sweater peering at her incredulously.

"Well, I do now," Grace commented, picking one up. "You have a lot of these monkeys,"

"Yep!" Numbuh Three beamed. "I'm Numbuh Three, by the way. What's your name?"

"I'm Grace," the Dragon Slayer introduced herself. "Why does everyone around here have numbers?"

"Uh . . I dunno. I guess it's just what we do," Numbuh Three shrugged.

"Oi!" Both turned to see a rectangle of light at the edge of the ocean of stuffed animals. "Numbuh Three! Don't make friends with the enemy!" Numbuh Four shouted, taking aim.

"No! Don't shoot!" Numbuh Three shouted, leaping down, her long sleeves trailing comically as she landed in front of Numbuh Four. Grace blinked. "Wait, you're trying to help me? That's -"

"You might hit the Rainbow Monkeys!" Grace was left dumbfounded by this, and more than a little insulted.

"Who cares about your stupid monkeys?!" the blond boy yelled in response.

"Stupid?! Why, you-"

"Um, I'm just gonna . . go," Grace decided as they kept shouting at each other, opening a rift and teleporting away.

She had tried to aim the rift to get back to the room she had been in before, but apparently her sense of direction was off, as, instead, she found herself in a corridor.

"Wha - argh!" Turning, Grace saw at the far end of the corridor, the portly boy with goggles - Numbuh Two - was screaming and frantically slamming down on a button at the far doorway.

Grace started towards him, but was surprised as a metal door slammed shut at the end of the corridor - followed by several more doors of varying descriptions, an iron gate, an electrical fence and one final wooden door which was promptly reinforced by mechanical arms wielding car doors, followed by a small sign right in front of her that read 'Do not disturb'.

Numbuh Two breathed a sigh of relief. "Man. That was close,"

"You must really hate intruders," a voice piped up from behind him, and he span to see an unhappy Grace frowning at him. "Look, as much as I'm having fun, I do need to get back to my brother. Since you did hit him with a giant hammer. So could you please -" Grace trailed off as Numbuh Two ran screaming away, and sighed. "Do you not have magic in this dimension or something?" she complained, before pausing. Actually, maybe they _didn't_. Grace gulped, suddenly feeling sorry for the inhabitants of this world and recalling the horrors she had been faced with in Edolas.

"Alright, let's see who's tough when I level the playing field!" Grace turned, forestalled from being about to leave, to see . . . some kind of giant machine that resembled an insect with a massively dilated, round body, and a driver's bubble that seated the pudgy Numbuh Two. His yellow goggles glinted and were somehow squashed at the top like angry eyebrows, and Grace had barely enough time to wonder how it was possible that his goggles could be expressive before the mechanical bug levelled its long, cannon-like head at her and opened fire, a volley of brown, cream and pink projectiles raining down around her.

 _Kids Next Door:_ ** _M.O.S.Q.U.I.T.T.O.H_** _. -_ **_M_** _assively_ ** _O_** _versized_ ** _S_** _uper_ ** _Q_** _uick_ ** _U_** _ndercover_ ** _I_** _cy_ ** _T_** _reat_ ** _T_** _ransport_ ** _O_** _n_ ** _H_** _eliojets_

The Dragon Slayer frantically bobbed and weaved, trying to avoid the rapidfire assault, but her reflexes weren't fast enough without warping space, and it only took a few seconds until she was hit with a globule of . . runny, sickly sweet smelling . . Grace paused and sniffed incredulously at the projectile. "Is this _ice cream_?"

"Not just any ice cream. _Expired_ ice cream!" Numbuh Two triumphantly declared.

Grace blanched. "Eew!" Seeing the contraption charging up for another volley, she tore open a rift and launched herself through it, yelling "Reality Dragon's Pronged Plumage!"

Numbuh Two screamed as the greenette headbutted the M.O.S.Q.U.I.T.T.O.H. from underneath, at the weak point where the bulbous rear connected to the rest of the ship. With an audible crack, the mech broke in half, and the pilot was sent screaming to the ground amidst the wreckage.

Grace rolled her eyes and decided if she wanted to get back to the Nexus, she needed a guide, so she jumped down and picked up the slightly younger boy by the neck. "You are going to take me back to the portal. Now!" she commanded, and, seeing the fire in her eyes, Numbuh Two nodded. "Yes'm," he agreed, while surreptitiously pressing a button on his watch.

-[CoT]-

It only took a couple of minutes until Numbuh Two had led Grace back to the command centre, which seemed suspiciously empty. The portal, though, was still open, and Grace grinned, starting towards it.

Then the wall exploded and a giant, mechanical bunny rabbit attacked.

 _Kids Next Door:_ ** _H.I.P.P.I.E.-H.O.P._** _-_ ** _H_** _are_ ** _I_** _nspired_ ** _P_** _iston_ ** _P_** _owered_ ** _I_** _ngenious_ ** _E_** _xoskeleton -_ ** _H_** _ops_ ** _O_** _ver_ ** _P_** _arents._

Grace screamed and teleported away as the rabbit's excavator-bucket claws came down on the space where she had been, and the mech roared ferociously. "This'll teach you to hurt Numbuh Four!" the recognisable voice of Numbuh Three came from the canopy inside the rabbit's head, and Grace paused. "Numbuh Three? I thought we were friends!" she complained as the rabbit swiped at her again, and she jumped over the claw with ease.

The machine paused, and the visor swung open, revealing Numbuh Three in a comfortable-looking driver's seat. "We are?" she smiled.

Grace drew breath, but another familiar voice got there first. "No you are not! She is the enemy! Look what she did to our treehouse!" Numbuh Four, still armed with that odd phaser, screamed, gesturing to the patch of open sky that had been opened when Grace had attacked Numbuh One earlier.

"You started it!" Grace protested, before a stinging pain suddenly blossomed on her backside, and she leapt into the air in pain.

"And I'm going to finish it," Numbuh One declared triumphantly, having somehow crept up behind her.

"STOP IT YOU JERK!" Grace screamed, leaping up to the ceiling and grabbing a protruding chunk of wood; some kind of shell for a machine. Her intent had been to just tear out a piece of wood and see how the bald boy liked being hit in the butt, but she had drastically overestimated the treehouse's structural integrity.

Grace stared for a second at the massive chunk of building that she had just ripped from the upper levels of the treehouse, before grinning and bringing it down on Numbuh One. The recoil keep her into the air as the red-shifted operative frantically dodged, and she swung her impromptu weapon again like a massive game of whack-a-mole.

Numbuh Three leapt at her the rabbit with its claws outstretched and a menacing snarl - and then part of the roof caved in, dropping a pile of debris that pulled her to the ground. Immediately the cockpit opened and launched the green-clad operative out, where she spiralled to the ground and crashed. Just a few seconds too late, a parachute opened upwards and fell over Numbuh Three.

Grace finally fell back to the floor and threw the massive chunk of crumbling wood and leaves at Numbuh One, which bowled him over and sent him flying out through a window, which was also promptly destroyed. Grace winced - and then, with a whoosh, the boy flew back into the room with what looked like rockets attached to his shoes. The young Dragon Slayer stared, equal parts amazed and shocked.

And then a blast of energy knocked her against the wall. Numbuh Four crowed victoriously, before advancing on her, joined by Numbuh One, still armed with his S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R., and a vengeful Numbuh Three.

"Alright. What in the world is goin' on in here?!" All four combatants paused as a new voice interrupted, and turned to see a dark-skinned girl with a red cap and a blue sweater emerging from one of the doors that hadn't collapsed.

Numbuh Five took in the demolished treehouse, the crushed mecha-rabbit, and her three teammates who had all ganged up on an apparently helpless little girl. "What are the three of you doin'?" she demanded, immediately interspersing herself between Numbuhs One, Three and Four and Grace.

"They're being meanies! They attacked my brother and hurt me and I just want to get home but they won't let me!" Grace screamed, and the three operatives quailed under Numbuh Five's gaze. "And you three call yourselves K.N.D. operatives. Beatin' on a little girl. For shame,"

"But - but she attacked us! She can teleport and move around really fast and her spit is some kind of energy blast and - and -"

Numbuh Five ignored Numbuh Four, turning back to Grace with a kind smile. "You want to go home, right? Where is it? I'm sure we can give you a lift,"

"Through there," Grace pointed, and the dark-skinned girl blinked, seeing the portal for the first time. "What in the world is that?"

"I dunno. Me and my brother are kinda lost, but I think my world is back through there. And I'm pretty sure this _isn't_ my world because none of you have any magic," the Phoenix explained.

Everyone blinked at this. "Is this girl telling Numbuh Five that she can do magic?" the newcomer finally asked.

"Sure I can! Want me to show you?" Grace eagerly suggested.

"No! No no no!" Numbuh One and Numbuh Four immediately protested, but Numbuh Five raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Sure. Show Numbuh Five what ya got,"

Grace giggled, and opened an invisible rift between her and the space behind Numbuh One. "Sure! Reality Dragon's Roar!" she shrieked, unleashing a funnelled blast of grey magic that struck all three of her assailants from behind. "See how you like being hit in the butt!" she declared.

Then the treehouse shook.

Grace realised a little too late that in aiming a blast downwards she had just gouged a massive chunk out of the treehouse's support structure. And that Numbuhs One, Three and Four were all now falling through the hole she had just opened.

"What the hell?!" Numbuh Five rounded on her, unsure whether to be shocked or angry.

"Uh - sorry!" Grace meekly offered, before throwing open a rift that spat out the three kids.

The treehouse pitched again, and the floor started to tilt. Grace opened another rift and threw herself towards the portal, but paused before returning to the Nexus, worried about the four kids . . well, mostly Numbuh Five. The others were meanies.

But, as she watched, a dark green flying vehicle, some kind of retrofitted camper van, shot through one of the holes in the treehouse.

 _Kids Next Door:_ ** _S.C.A.M.P.E.R_** _. -_ ** _S_** _habby_ ** _Ca_** _mper_ ** _A_** _ctually_ ** _M_** _akes_ ** _P_** _erfect_ ** _E_** _mergency_ ** _R_** _escue-mabob_

The door swung open, and Grace spotted Numbuh Two in the driver's seat. "Get in, quick!" he commanded, and the other four all scrambled to get into the vehicle.

Grace considered apologising, but thought better of it. After all, they had started it. "Bye!" she shouted as the flying camper shot out through the hole she had torn into the ceiling, before leaping back into the portal, which obligingly closed behind her.

As the S.C.A.M.P.E.R. flew to a safe hovering distance, Sector V looked out at the destruction that had been inflicted on their treehouse. Holes had been blasted in it left and right, and, as they watched, an entire section of the tree fell out and crashed to the ground.

Numbuh One sobbed, looking at the destruction Grace had wrought from the safety of the airborne S.C.A.M.P.E.R. "My _treehouse_ ,"

A/N

 **A/N**

 **Oh damn, I am so sorry. I meant to post this weeks ago, but totally forgot until now . . better late than never? I guess? Sorry . . Peace!**


	11. When Master Leaves A Note

Chapter F-11: When Master Leaves A Note

"Has anyone seen Master?" Boomer questioned, looking around the guild hall.

Amidst a chorus of negative responses, Sarah frowned. "Come to think of it, she hasn't been in all day. I'll go check on her,"

Boomer watched as Sarah strode up the stairs towards the door that led into Master Feng's quarters. She paused, noticing a slip of paper stuffed under the door. "Hey, there's a note,"

The Sound wizard rushed to catch up with her, as the rest of the guild watched, curious on a slow day. "What does it say?" Boomer asked.

Sarah squinted, trying to read the horrible handwriting. "Don't feel like you're irrelevant, you serve an important role here. What?"

"Huh?" Boomer agreed.

"Master has terrible handwriting . . here, think you can make sense of this?" the bartender suggested, handing him the note.

Boomer squinted. "I'm getting my room soundproofed and it's coming out of your pay. Like hell!" he complained, folding his arms. "That can't be what it says. Oi, Sarph!" he shouted across the room, getting the attention of the knight, who was busy polishing his sword. "Come here, see if you can read this," he suggested.

In a moment, the S-Class wizard was standing with them outside the door. "Artorias may be stronger but you have a better mind, you shouldn't feel threatened," he read. "Gee, thanks master,"

"Did I hear something about me threatening you? I try not to . ." Artorias trailed off, having suddenly appeared nearby, and everyone jumped. "Where did you come from?" Boomer questioned.

"The second floor is the S-Class area. Where else would I be?" the Blood wizard shrugged, taking the note from Sarph. "Let me take a look," The redhead squinted for a second. "You do have a family, you're a brother in arms to all of us. Don't feel alone . . oh,"

"I'm noticing a theme here," Sarah wryly observed. Before anyone could respond, a hand reached out of thin air and snatched it away, before both vanished.

Across the guild, Grace squinted at the note. "Be careful with your choices. Good people can make bad role models. What does that mean?"

"Maybe that you shouldn't take things without asking," Pierce admonished her, taking the note and giving it a cursory glance. "Everyone looks up to you, quit lying around and be the leader that they need,"

"That can't possibly be right," Ariel shook her head.

"Here, you take a look," Pierce shrugged, offering the note to her, and the water witch took it. "I know you're lying to us, don't be afraid and just follow your heart,"

"What?" Pierce blinked.

"I'm sure that's wrong," Ariel assured him, carefully controlling her face. "Alice? You're good with languages, can you take a look at this?" she suggested.

The brunette moved over to their table, accompanied by her boyfriend. "What's up?" Lync asked, his pale blue eyes lighting up with curiosity.

"No one can figure out what this note from Master says," Ariel explained, passing it to him.

The Vestal frowned. "I know you use cockiness to hide your insecurities, but would it kill you to act your age? Pssh, old hag doesn't know what she's talking about,"

Alice gently took the note from him and cast him a knowing look. "Sure she doesn't," she sighed with a wry look in her eyes. "Hmm . . I think it reads; If you love him, don't worry about custom or tradition and . . propose to him. Oh . . um," Her voice went high, and the flush that rose across her cheeks was unmistakable.

Lync was suddenly the one smiling. "What was that?"

"N-nothing! Um . ." Alice frantically cast around, and her eyes alit on Tyria, who was reclining in an armchair with a book in her lap. "Tyria! What do you think this note says?" she all but threw the note at the bluenette.

Tyria was surprised to find her novel interrupted, but, having been quietly following the proceedings, obligingly took a look. "Don't worry so much about your strength compared to others, and spend more money on oil. You need it," She paused, raising an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"Oil?" Pierce parroted.

"My machines aren't squeaky!" Tyria declared in a voice that was a bit more shrill than she had really intended it to. "TechType: Machine Gun II!" With a flash of magic, her machine gun appeared, pointed at the roof and without any bullets loaded. The Electrian carefully span her gears, and, to her mortification, the gun squeaked.

Pierce wrapped an arm around her shoulders and sat next to her. "Don't worry about it," he assured her.

"Yeah. Now gimme a look-see, I'm sure I can work it out," Laurel, former student of Headmaster Atsphuria's College, took the note. "Don't worry about being irrelevant in the story, you're still an interesting person. Uh, what?"

"I don't know what this story is, but maybe I could try reading it?" Kinana suggested. Shrugging, the Electrian handed the note over to the purplette. "Follow your heart and try not to get pregnant . . too . . soo . ." A scarlet flush overtook her cheeks sash trailed off.

Hare's abrasive laugh caught everyone's attention. "Master did _not_ write that!" she laughed, plucking the note from Kinana's hand with surprisingly little resistance to see for herself. The Sylph squinted. "Stop acting like a princess or I'll crown you queen of the janitors and put you to work . ." Hare blanched. "She . . she's joking, right? She wouldn't actually . ."

"I dunno, I could see that happening," Tyria teased, and Hare scoffed, before frantically casting around. "Um . . Totomaru!" she all but threw the note at the Fire wizard by the bar. "Master's wise, surely this is to tell you that we're supposed to be together!"

Totomaru tacitly ignored the statement and squinted at the note. "You're too old for either of them now, try dating outside the guild," he mouthed. "Who the hell said anything about dating? I'm a bachelor!"

Hare looked heartbroken. "Fleur? Any input?" Tyria addressed the silver-haired Petal Mage, who eyed her with disapproval.

"Aren't you the only one here today who hasn't tried to read the note yet?" Grace innocently asked.

Fleur desperately looked around, searching for someone, anyone else, who could be a distraction. But all eyes were on her. "Just read it," Totomaru advised, pushing it at her. "It's the only way this lot will give you any peace,"

The young adult nodded, resigned, and accepted the note, silently scanning the scribble.

"Well?" Alice, still looking mortified, asked.

Fleur shrugged and started signing something, which Totomaru watched closely. "What's she saying?" Grace asked.

"I wouldn't tell you for a billion jewels, bad luck -" Totomaru stopped and cast her a scandalised look. "I'm not saying that!"

With a cheeky smile, Fleur shrugged and ripped the note into several pieces, before signing something.

"You're right. It was getting ridiculous, best to be done with it," Evidently Totomaru agreed.

"But that was the only interesting thing about this morning!" Tyria complained.

-[CoT]-

It was a couple of hours later that Master Feng returned. "Oi, brats! What the hell have you been doing all morning?"

"Not a lot, why?" Pierce, closest to the door, was the first to answer.

"The big banner outside the doors, with the Phoenix's Eye guild mark on it, got blown away in the wind last night and now it's god knows where, and I asked you all to go look for it!"

"No you didn't," Grace complained.

"Not to brag, but I have a very good memory. I think I'd have remembered that," Alice frowned.

"None of you noticed that the banner was gone?" Master Feng skeptically questioned. "Even if you didn't, I left a note. What happened to the note?"

After a few exchanged glances, the penny dropped. "So that's what the note was supposed to say," it dawned on Lync.

"For Christmas, I am getting you handwriting lessons, Master," Sarph declared.

"Arthritis is nothing to joke about," Feng retorted.

"But Master, you don't have arthritis," Sarah interrupted.

"You don't know that," Feng retorted. "Enough chitchat! All of you, go find that banner!"

As Phoenix's Eye obligingly exited, Boomer asked, "So what do you think Master would have read her note as?"

A/N

 **A/N**

 **Jut because I'm on hiatus doesn't mean I can't do recreational writing! And this was fun. Hope it got a chuckle! Peace!**


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